Comedy In Long Shot

Quantum of Solace trailer

2008-07-03T18:38:00.003-04:00

I have no idea why I'm posting the trailer for the new Bond movie, set to be released later this year. All's I know is that it appears as if they've recycled the plot of 1989's Licence to Kill, starring Timothy Dalton (who has his "licence to kill" revoked), and added a few explosions and mind-numbingly ridiculous revenge overtones. I still have yet to find another person who detested Casino Royale as much as I did, so it's no wonder that I'm already finding fault in this one. Regardless, here it is:

Indiana Jones teaser trailer

2008-02-15T17:54:00.003-04:00

Does anyone else wish it was May 22nd right now? From the first beats of the theme music, I swear I got tingles. I'm sure it'll be kind of lame, and Shea LaBeouf is kind of a douchenozzle, but I'll still go see it in the theatres. Harrison Ford doing his own stunts still, and wearing his awesome fedora, AND the reappearance of Marion from Raiders is just too good to pass up.

27 Dresses

2008-01-19T15:30:00.000-04:00

I went to see 27 Dresses last night. Yep, the romantic comedy starring that bitch from Grey's Autopsy and the hotness that is James Marsden.

The story is ridiculously predictable, as Skank Cancer plays Jane, a woman who's been a bridesmaid 27 times over. She's organised, reliable and, surprise!, in love with her boss (Ed Burns), who turns around and falls for her sister, Tess (Malin Akerman). Predictably, it falls to Jane to plan the wedding, all the while being harassed by Kevin (James Marsden), a journalist who wishes to break out of the wedding section and write real stories. Predictably, Jane and Kevin hook up, then there's an obstacle and then, what do you think, it ends with the standard big kiss at the end.

While I enjoy most romantic comedies (I admit that I liked both Just Like Heaven and Just My Luck, which are probably two of the worst I have seen in recent memory), I felt like I was losing precious brain cells by the second while watching this piece of crap. I'm not kidding. I know that people exaggerate using the "I lost brain cells" thing, but I swear I really did. I didn't grasp the concept of the credits, that's how dumb this movie made me. The best part about it was the audience, a majority of girls between the ages of about 18 to 35, who sighed and "awwwed" at the appropriate moments en masse, and one girl even shouted "YES!" after Katherine Heigl punched some guy. Personally, I would have done the same if someone had punched Katherine Heigl. While she annoyed me a tad in Knocked Up as the somewhat uptight A-personality woman, she was really testing me in this little number. I think I spent half the movie rolling my eyes at her doormat-ish ways and constant whining.And yes, I think I am considerably dumber from seeing it. Do not suffer the same fate, especially if you need that precious brain matter to, I don't know, launch a full-scale attack on the AMPTP offices to end this damn writer's strike so we don't have to suffer through shit like 27 Dresses.

Speed Racer Trailer, and other news...

2007-12-11T15:22:00.000-04:00

I wouldn't normally subject others to an unwanted drug trip, but I feel as if the damage done to my brain should be shared. The trailer for the newest Wachowski brothers' flick Speed Racer... yes, *that* Speed Racer:

I love Emile Hirsch (if you want to know how much, look at the Into the Wild review), I love Matthew Fox, I enjoy John Goodman and Susan Sarandon... but this? This movie just looks like the biggest piece of shit ever made. It truly does.

And if things couldn't be any worse for the movies these days, the fucktards behind the Sex and the City movie have decided to make it into a goddamn trilogy. Trilogy. Of Sex and the City. Three movies with Sarah Jessica Parker. The movie industry hates me. This fact is supported by the horrible news that Wes Anderson (he of The Royal Tenenbaums, A Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou and other movies about dysfunctional families accompanied by quirky soundtracks) is helming an adaptation of Roald Dahl's The Fantastic Mr. Fox. I... no... this... bad... mary... upset... no words... screaming.... forgive me while I use all caps for a moment, but REALLY COME ON NOW. WES ANDERSON YOU ARE ON MY SHIT LIST IF THIS MOVIE SUCKS. At least it's going to be an animated film. BUT, take a gander as to who's voicing the aforementioned "fantastic" Mr. Fox... George Clooney. GEORGE. FUCKING. CLOONEY.

Can't... process... childhood memories... ruined...

No Country For Old Men

2007-12-06T14:56:00.000-04:00

No Country For Old Men is based on the novel by Cormac McCarthy, and stars Josh Brolin, Javier Bardem and Tommy Lee Jones as three men whose lives become intertwined by a drug deal gone bad. The film opens with the arrest of Anton Chigurh (Javier Bardem), which results in him ruthlessly murdering his arresting officer and stealing the police car. This opening scene reveals that Chigurh is a cold-blooded killer with no remorse, and his method of killing: a cattle gun. The focus then turns to Llewelyn Moss (Josh Brolin), who, while hunting in the desert, stumbles upon several dead men, a stash of heroin, a dying man desperate for water, and two million dollars. Moss takes the money back to his trailer, then, feeling guilty about the dying man, returns to the desert with water. However, once there, he's ambushed by the drug dealers and chased through the desert. He puts his wife on a bus and promises to join her once everything has been resolved. The rest of the movie follows the cat-and-mouse hunt between Chigurh and Moss, and Sherriff Bell's (Tommy Lee Jones) attempt to catch up.

I haven't been a huge fan of the other Coen brothers' films I've seen, other than O Brother Where Art Thou?. I thought Raising Arizona was slightly ridiculous, but I feel as if I should give both Fargo and The Big Lebowski another chance, seeing as I saw both when I was either tired or just disinterested in seeing a movie at all. I haven't seen many movies that have caused me to sit tensely throughout the duration, biting my fingernails in anticipation, but No Country For Old Men now has that distinction. From the chase scene through the desert to the numerous scenes in motels with Chigurh relentlessly tracking Moss to the "conclusion" of the film (if you've seen it, you'll know what I mean), this film plays havoc with your nerves, in the best possible way.

The performances by all three main leads are fantastic. Considering the last movie I saw Josh Brolin in was Planet Terror, he does a great job with the desperate yet resilient Moss, and Tommy Lee Jones seems effortless in his portrayal of the weary sherriff. But it's Javier Bardem's performance that is the most memorable. Chigurh will most likely be remembered as one of the most frightening villains in cinematic history, with his lack of remorse, his relentless pursuit of his victims and his violent forms of murder. Considering that these men never actually interact face-to-face within the span of the film, the audience gets the sense that their lives will forever be intertwined.

The most interesting facet of this film is the lack of music. As most critics and fans of the Coen brothers' movies have noticed, the Coens put an emphasis on the soundtracks of their projects, almost to the point where the music plays a central role in the film. No Country For Old Men features little music except for a brief scene in Mexico. The lack of music allows for a more tense atmosphere, as the audience hears every rustle of the wind, every bark or phone ring in the distance, and every creak of the floorboards. The combination of this lack of music and the cinematography, which drinks in every vast landscape and grisly streets of Texas and Mexico, results in a visually stimulating and terrifying film that I would recommend to fans of suspense and Coen brothers' films.

Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian Trailer

2007-12-06T14:35:00.000-04:00

The trailer for the new Chronicles of Narnia movie (due out in May) has reached the interwebs, so here it is for anyone who's interested:

Considering they've got Liam Neeson back, plus the addition of the actor who played Young Dunstan in Stardust and Warwick Davis, this movie can't be anything but as good as the original. Granted, the story seems a bit stupid from the trailer, but it's a fantasy movie. How often do you see absolutely great plots from fantasy movies?

Trailer overload

2007-11-11T20:51:00.000-04:00

I was shocked to find that there are two Hayden Christensen movies coming out soon, both of which look pretty stupid, but judge for yourself:

Jumper

Awake

and the newest trailer for I Am Legend, starring Will Smith, which looks half-decent (although the book is dead depressing yet fantastic):

Elizabeth: The Golden Age

2007-10-22T22:09:00.000-04:00

The original Elizabeth movie, released in 1998, dealt with Elizabeth's succession to the throne. Elizabeth: The Golden Age continues the storyline, as Mary Queen of Scots (Samantha Morton) is imprisoned at Carlisle (although it could have been Loch Leven, I don't think it was ever stated), and Elizabeth is being pressured to find a husband. Enter in Sir Walter Raleigh (Clive Owen), back from the Americas and full of idealism and rogueishness. He's all open doublets and heated stares, and the Queen gets sucked into his stories about his travels. Meanwhile, the Spanish are concocting a plan to spring Mary from prison and overthrow Elizabeth. Cue usual romantic scenes with Queen and Raleigh, drama with one of her ladies-in-waiting (Abbie Cornish), numerous scenes of the Spanish king practically drumming his fingertips together and going "eeeeeeeeexcellente mua hahahahaha!", etc etc.

I still haven't seen the original movie, but I doubt it can be as boring as its sequel. The battle scene at the end was, in my opinion, the only thing that saved it from being a complete waste of time. Cate Blanchett was, again, a perfect choice as Elizabeth, and she had the right amount of wit and regalness to stand out from the rest of the cast. I'm being unfair; Geoffrey Rush was great as well. Clive Owen was just ridiculous. I refuse to believe that Walter Raleigh paraded about in outfits suited more for an Elizabethan comedy than a dramatic historical epic (or so they wished us to believe). Personally, I would have loved to have seen a bit more of Samantha Morton as Mary Queen of Scots. I don't know who exactly was responsible for casting her, but well done. She was the perfect choice.

All in all, the only movie to depict the battle with the Spanish Armada (almost) in its entirety is kind of a stinker.

Iron Man Trailer

2007-10-13T19:29:00.000-04:00

Iron Man looks surprisingly entertaining, and Robert Downey Jr. is pretty cool (he's brilliant in Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang). And they use Black Sabbath in the trailer, so there's a good bet the movie won't be complete crap.

Becoming Jane

2007-10-05T21:52:00.000-04:00

I literally dragged my mother to this movie when I was back home in August, and she ended up liking it more than I did. That's not to say I didn't enjoy looking at James McAvoy, but that's pretty much the only part of the movie I liked.

Becoming Jane is basically the life story of Jane Austen (Anne Hathaway), 19th century author of the original "chick lit" books (this is coming from someone who loves Pride and Prejudice, Emma, Mansfield Park, etc., but come on, when it boils down to it, they are chick lit). Jane's family has very little money and, like the characters in her books, need the daughters to marry rich in order to survive. Enter in Tom Lefroy (James McAvoy), who Jane initially hates, but, predictably, falls in love with and they have to overcome obstacles of family objections and previous obligations in order to be together.

It's a boring and predictable movie, and it really annoyed me that they decided to cast Anne Hathaway as the most influential female British author of the modern period. I had a beef with the casting of Keira Knightley as Elizabeth Bennet, but jesus, at least she's BRITISH. *Deep breaths*, regardless, the plot is too much like Pride and Prejudice, and I know that's not exactly the writers' fault, seeing as it's her life and all, but it's a little soon after the Keira Knightley movie. Another complaint I have with this movie is the fact that they really only mention Pride and Prejudice. I understand that it is probably her most famous work, but at least mention her other novels. The only positive thing I can say about this movie is the fact that the supporting cast around Anne Hathaway were fantastic. James McAvoy is a great actor, and I think he's going to become one of the most sought-after leading men in the business, if he isn't already. He's already proved he can do bit roles (Wimbledon), fantasy (Chronicles of Narnia), drama (Last King of Scotland) and comedy (Starter for 10), and now he's proven he can be a romantic lead. Julie Walters and James Cromwell are great as Jane's parents, and Maggie Smith is obviously fantastic as the disapproving mother of a possible match for Jane.

Overall though, I wouldn't watch this again.

2007-09-29T12:16:00.000-04:00

Since I'm way behind on reviewing movies I've seen in the past 3 months, I figured I'd combine them all in one post:

The Simpsons

Basically the movie is all about Homer screwing over the town, again, and finding a way to somehow resolve things by the end. It feels like an hour and a half long episode, and I mean that in the best possible way. And, like the majority of Simpsons episodes, the movie starts off with a certain plot, then evolves into something completely different. In this case, Lisa is campaigning to keep the Springfield pond clean, and the town votes to erect a wall around the pond. Homer, of course, decides to break through the wall and dump a homemade silo full of pig droppings in the water. The Powers That Be, after seeing how polluted Springfield has become, decides to isolate the town in a gigantic bubble.

Due to the fact that they revealed almost nothing about the plot in the trailers (except for the Spiderpig part, which was still hilarious), the movie doesn't noticeably lag. It's funny, familiar and worth seeing.

Stardust

Based on the novel by Neil Gaiman, Stardust follows Tristan Thorn (Charlie Cox) as he struggles to win over his "true love" Victoria (Sienna Miller) by finding her a fallen star. The town in which he lives, Wall, England, is surrounded by, obviously a wall, that seperates the real world from the fantastical land of Stormhold. When Tristan sets off to find the fallen star, he travels into Stormhold and finds Yvaine (Claire Danes), whom he soon discovers is the star. After a rocky start, they set off, unaware that they are being followed by the witch Lamia (Michelle Pfeiffer), who wants Yvaine's heart to stay young and the princes Primus (Jason Flemyng) and Septimus (Mark Strong), who are both after the necklace Yvaine has around her neck.

With the added bonus of casting Ricky Gervais, Peter O'Toole and Robert DeNiro, the cast is recognizably strong. The plot is fairly straightforward and the end is predictable, but it's an entertaining journey along the way, as Tristan and Yvaine run into various characters who teach them various things (a notable scene/montage is with Robert DeNiro as he teaches Yvaine how to waltz and Tristan how to duel). In short, I loved this movie. I loved it to pieces. I cannot wait until it is out on DVD.

Superbad

If you've seen either The 40 Year-Old Virgin or Knocked Up, you've already seen Superbad. Essentially the premise is Seth (Jonah Hill) and Evan (Michael Cera) plan to hook up with the two girls they have crushes on at a graduation party. Similar to other movies about high school, the majority of the film takes place over one day. As they search for a way to get booze for the party (thus allowing Seth to impress the girl he likes), they get their friend Fogell arrested (although he ends up partying with the two cops, played by Seth Rogen and Bill Hader), almost get beat up a party and get into a fight.

It's a predictable movie, but it has it's hilarious moments, most notably the scenes with the two cops, who think Fogell's name is McLovin, the name on his fake ID. Since it's a movie about two guys wanting to lose their virginities, it's raunchy, with a lot of sex jokes and bad language, but there are scenes less adult in it as well, as Evan gets stuck having to sing for some coked-up guys at a party (with Bill from "Freaks and Geeks"!) and the cops having to chase the kids down at one point. I wouldn't say it's as funny as Knocked Up, but it's definately funny.

Juno Trailer

2007-09-24T12:30:00.000-04:00

Hailed as the movie that brings Michael and George Michael Bluth back together on the big screen, Juno stars Nova Scotian actress Ellen Page as a girl who gets impregnated by her best friend (Michael Cera) and decides to give the baby up to a couple who can't have children (Jason Bateman and Jennifer Garner). It looks like a fantastically funny movie and I can't wait for it to hit theatres:

Into the Wild

2007-09-23T11:40:00.000-04:00

I realise I haven't updated in about a month and a half, which means I am the worst blogger in the world, but no one really reads this anyway, so my care factor is pretty low.

For once, I've actually managed to get ahead of the game and see a movie two weeks before it gets released to the public. My mother and I were lucky enough to get free passes to see Into the Wild last week and, seeing as it was free and I'm rather fond of Emile Hirsch, we decided to go.

Directed by Sean Penn and based on the novel by Jon Krakauer, the story follows Christopher McCandless, played by Emile Hirsch, a recent graduate who donates all his savings to charity and takes off into the country in pursuit of his final goal: to live in the wild in Alaska. Along the way, he meets various people (Catherine Keener, Vince Vaughn, Kristen Stewart, Hal Holbrook) who feed him and often provide him with objects he probably should have procured before heading to Alaska in the first place. If you've read the book, or heard about McCandless' story at all, you know how it ends. And it really can't end any other way. But the journey to the end is entertaining, amusing and fairly touching.

Although the story drags a bit in the middle, the film is visually stimulating enough to distract from the lagging storyline. Sweeping shots of the Alaskan tundra, sunsets in the midwest and even just shots of McCandless sitting on the bus he finds or a broken sofa make the movie, and the story, as fascinating as McCandless himself. The soundtrack also adds to the feel of the film, as it's mostly just a man and his guitar. Surprisingly, Eddie Vedder does the entire soundtrack, and I've never really enjoyed Pearl Jam all that much, but I love this soundtrack. The guitar is fantastic, and it's even better when put in the context of the film.

There are very few critics who are bashing this movie at the moment, and I don't think that will change much once it's released on October 5th. It's a great story, with great music and incredible acting, and probably one of the best I've seen in a while.

So here's the trailer:

Trailers

2007-08-04T15:45:00.000-04:00

I've seen a bunch of trailers lately for films that look entertaining, both in the "great film" sort of way and in the "hilariously funny" sort of way. So here are a few:

Superbad (August 17th)

3:10 to Yuma (September 7th)

Cloverfield/1-18-08 (January 18th)

Transformers

2007-08-04T14:36:00.000-04:00

Premise: Robots lose cube that can make planets, the bad ones figure out it's on earth and land here, the good ones follow in order to protect the human race. Bad robots disguise themselves as tanks, police cars, black hawk helicopters, stealth jets, while the good robots disguise themselves as 18-wheelers, piece of shit camaros, and trucks. Enter nerdy human descendent (Shia Labeouf) of old guy who had glasses with the cube's location imprinted on them. Enter girl (Megan Fox) who nerdy guy wishes to impress, so he buys a car which ends up being an autobot. Resulting battle between good and evil robots ensues.

Outcome: Pretty damn awesome. This is a Michael Bay film, so you really can't expect anything but dawn and dusk shots with lens flare, tons of explosions and really stupid one-liners.

If you ever watched "Tranformers" the cartoon on TV as a kid, the human actors are only props used to further the paperthin storyline. It's all about the robots. What makes it even better is the fact that Michael Bay and the rest of his team managed to get the original voice of Optimus Prime (Peter Cullen). They even replicated the sound of the robots transforming from the TV show, which was just more icing on the cake. I don't remember the cartoon too much, but the introduction of the rest of the Decepticons later in the movie brought a lot of it back. You can't forget names like Bonecrusher, Starscream and Barricade. Like I said, you don't go to Michael Bay movies for plot, you either go for the eyecandy or for the mindboggling effects. Transformers doesn't disappoint with the CGI. The only thing I disliked were the cheesy lines given to Optimus Prime. Was he always that philosophic and corny? Prime example: Ironhide asks Optimus why they're protecting the humans since they're a violent, destructive race, to which Optimus replies "Were we so different?", sparking a laughing fit from Maggie and I that lasted about 10 minutes.

Ultimately, it's pretty much a movie for 15 year old boys and fans of the cartoon (don't try to tell me they can be one and the same, seeing as the show ended back in 1987, and the reruns were off TV by the time I was halfway through elementary school). Even if you're not in either of those groups, you can still appreciate the action, and the utter kickass quality of the CGI. It's not a great film, and it's not going to win any noteworthy awards, but it's great summer fun. Definately worth seeing.

Sicko

2007-08-04T14:02:00.000-04:00

Like a lot of people out there, I've gotten slightly tired of Michael Moore. I enjoyed Bowling for Columbine, and I found some of Fahrenheit 9/11 to be interesting, but let's face it, we all knew Bush was an idiot from the get-go. So I was somewhat hesitant to see Sicko, just because I wasn't sure I could stand hearing Moore's nasaly voice for two hours.

I'm glad I went to see it though. It's one of his best, simply because it is the most emotionally engaging of his films. As the film is all about health insurance and the struggle in the United States for affordable healthcare, he interviews men and women who have had problems with the healthcare system, mainly because of either their lack of insurance, or the insurance company's refusal to cover specific health problems. Hearing each of these people talk about how they had to choose one finger over another to sew back on after a saw accident, or how their daughter died because a hospital wouldn't provide transportation to the hospital associated with their insurance company is heartbreaking. It shocked me to hear how many people in the United States are without health insurance, and how insurance companies treat those who do. It's disgusting. It really showed me how much we take medicare for granted. And Moore travels up to Canada to basically balk at the fact that we have universal healthcare. I have to say I'm a little sick of him crossing the border and painting Canada as this beautific place with free hospitals and no gun violence. We have our problems too.

He also travels to Britain, France and Cuba in order to make Americans fully understand how completely backward and detrimental the US healthcare system is for their country. As per usual, he makes quippy jokes and grandstanding gestures (ie trying to get some Americans into the Guantanamo Base for treatment), and the music he chooses is fantastically appropriate. Unlike Fahrenheit 9/11, Sicko actually made me like Michael Moore again. Sure, he's biased in pretty much everything he does, but who isn't? Most "documentaries" are biased, whether they're about the September 11th attacks (read: anti-Bush administration), the climate change debate (read: anti-Bush administration plus change-your-lightbulbs-and-buy-hybrids) or even the environment (read: don't kill living things, they're cool and so is David Attenborough). You're either going to agree with that bias, or leave thinking the director was a complete idiot and deserves every bit of criticism he gets. I don't think that applies here though. Everyone has to recieve medical treatment at some point, hell the only time I've been to the emerg to get treated was to get 3 stitches when I fell off my bike when I was 8, and the idea that you might not be able to get those stitches, or that shot, or that life-saving chemotherapy is a scary thing.

Regardless of how you feel about Michael Moore, no one can deny that his message is fairly valid: Healthcare should be available to everyone. One of the men he interviews, Tony Benn sums it up perfectly with "If we can find money to kill people, you can find money to help people."

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

2007-08-04T13:18:00.001-04:00

I realise I haven't posted any reviews in about a month and a half, and that's not due to not having seen any movies recently, I've just been ripping through books instead of films lately.

That said, here's some month-late musings on Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix:

Given that I saw this at a midnight showing, I may be a little hazy on some of the details. I do know, however, that this is my favourite of the movies so far (the previous one being Prisoner of Azkaban). Regardless of what others say, I thought the fourth movie was weak, but I disliked the fourth book as well (thought Harry was too whiny for most of it), so I may have been biased from the get go. The fifth book, I think, showed a marked improvement by J.K. Rowling in both writing style and character developement, as the kids are forced to grow up quickly in the face of the coming threat of Voldemort. Personally, I think the movie reflects that.

Most people have already read the book, or seen the movie, so I won't go into too much detail with the plot. Harry, Ron and Hermione are in their fifth year at Hogwarts, and the movie begins with the trio, plus the other Weasleys, Sirius Black and various other characters in the Black household, otherwise known as the headquarters for the Order of the Phoenix. Harry finds out that the Order knows that Voldemort is trying to look for a weapon, but they won't tell him what it is. With that in the back of his mind, the trio return to school to find that a) everyone thinks Harry is nuts, and b) puberty sucks. As per usual, there's yet another Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher, Professor Umbridge (Imelda Staunton), who turns out to be a conniving witch with a lust for power.

Her numerous changes to school policy result in Harry forming a group meant to teach real defensive spells, in order to protect themselves against Voldemort and his cronies. Meanwhile, Harry catches the eye of one of his fellow students, Cho, and they share an extremely awkward-to-watch kiss shown in most of the trailers. Blah blah blah, things happen, Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Neville and Luna end up in the Ministry of Magic and a battle ensues. Honestly, I would go into more detail, but there's no point, is there?

The point is, the movie is great. Granted, they left out some of my favourite bits from the book (the swamp left in the corridor, the cleaning out of Grimmauld Place, and the Quidditch matches that lead to the "Weasley is our King" chants). I understand not being able to fit everything into a 2 and a half hour movie, but those were the little things I missed. This is more of a fault for the fourth movie, but where are Bill and Charlie? I mean, Bill turns out to be a relatively big character in the sixth and seventh books, so shouldn't they have looked ahead and tried to include him? I guess it means another two guys having to dye their hair red, but it's a small price to pay. I have to say, I'm impressed with how much the actors have improved. Daniel Radcliffe was actually convincing in most of his scenes and Rupert Grint is turning out to be quite good. I'm still not sold on Emma Watson... she seems to have the same expression for every emotion, which isn't too impressive.

Great movie though. Unlike the fourth one, which I still haven't purchased on DVD, I can't wait for this one to come out so I can snatch it up right away.

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End

2007-06-09T15:12:00.000-04:00

Now that I've seen the 168 minute long third installment of Pirates of the Caribbean, I can safely say that I hope to God and all his minions that this is the end. The Jack Sparrow schtick is getting old, and I for one am sick to death of it. Granted, the first film was great, seeing as it brought new interest to the somewhat-ignored area of Pirate Movies. Jack Sparrow was the bumbling pirate who always seemed to be three sheets to the wind, and Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightley were still relatively new faces in Hollywood. The second film was just... unneccesary... especially with the inclusion of Barbossa at the end. I left the theatre scratching my head, wondering "didn't he die in the first one??" and disappointed with the contrived Jack/Elizabeth plotline, which did nothing for the movie except make me dislike both characters. The only redeeming features of the second movie were the visual effects, Bill Nighy as Davey Jones, and the fact that Jack Davenport had a beard. Which is not saying much.

So, with that in mind, you can see where I'm going with this review. The visual effects were still fantastic, and Bill Nighy was still great, complete with tentacley face. Jack Davenport apparently shaved his beard, and thus lost a little something, but he was really the only character I was interested in. Actually, the monkey was the only great character in the entire thing. Anyway, on to the plot. Like the Knocked Up review, I'm writing this a few weeks after seeing it, so I'm a little fuzzy on the details. I'm pretty sure it opened with Will, Elizabeth, Barbossa and their posse of pirates going to Singapore (or maybe Shanghai? I don't know) to propose teaming up with Chow Yun Fat, who says no and tries to kill them. Obviously, they escape, and sail around trying to find Jack, who's been sent to Davey Jones' locker. At this point, the scene changes to focus on Johnny Depp, who's apparently had an acid trip... either that or my M&Ms were laced with LSD because, for no apparent reason, there are about 40 Jack Sparrows wandering around. Needless to say, it's out of the blue and completely fucked up. Regardless, he meets up with the posse and they manage to escape Davey Jones' locker. The plot kind of unravels at this point (not that there was much of one in the first place), and this is only about 30 minutes into the movie. Somehow Elizabeth gets captured by Chow Yun Fat and his dudes, and Will gets trapped on Davey Jones' boat, but they all find each other and a huge naval battle ensues.

Of course, Keith Richards makes an appearance, and there's a needless meeting between all the pirate lords, who disappear at one point, even though there are like 8 of them, plus all their cronies. The ending is disappointing, open-ended and nauseating. I didn't bother to stay until the end of the credits, because I just wanted to get the hell out of there, but apparently there's a little scene at the end alluding to possibly another movie. To that I say, HELL NO. You could not drag me to see another goddamn Pirates of the Caribbean movie. What really disappoints me is just how greedy studios have become. Movies that were great by themselves and as such, big box office hits, have been needlessly turned into trilogies (Shrek, Pirates, The Matrix), and it just shows a complete lack of originality in Hollywood these days.

Knocked Up

2007-06-09T14:48:00.000-04:00

This review is long overdue...

Anything that has Seth Rogen in it is usually a good laugh, considering he's been in the short-lived, but hilarious "Freaks and Geeks", the short-lived, but also thought-to-be-hilarious "Undeclared", and The 40 Year-Old Virgin, but add in "Freaks and Geeks" alums Jason Segel, Martin Starr, and Leslie Mann, throw in Paul Rudd and Alan Tudyk, and you've got a recipe for something that TV and movie nerds everywhere will love. Or just nerds.

The premise is fairly obvious from the trailers: Guy meets girl, they have a one-night stand, girl gets pregnant, guy and girl try to work it out. It's a pretty standard storyline. I wasn't convinced that this was going to be as funny as I expected, but it actually surpassed my expectations. Seth Rogen, thankfully, keeps his character from becoming another one of those useless schlubs who somehow get the girl in the end, and the relationship between the two main characters is actually believable, complete with weird friends and numerous fights (including a really funny fight in the examining room at the doctor's office). Paul Rudd is as hilarious as he always is... anyone who's seen Wet Hot American Summer can attest to the fact that this guy can play comedy like no one else. There's a scene akin to the "you know how I know you're gay?" scene in The 40 Year-Old Virgin, but it's not so similar that you feel as if they lost interest in the writing.

In a sense, the end of the film is pretty predictable, but what movie isn't these days? Most of the time, if you've seen the original film (due to the enormous number of remakes), or read the book (due to the number of book-to-film), or seen the first film (again, gross number of sequels), you can pretty much predict the ending to any movie nowadays. Luckily, it doesn't really matter that you know what will happen in Knocked Up, because the trip to the conclusion is just so incredibly enjoyable. I swear, there were parts where I literally thought I was going to choke I was laughing so hard. I think I may have actually found this funnier than 40 Year-Old Virgin, just because the jokes were a little less immature. In short, it's definately worth a look.

Rescue Dawn trailer

2007-05-13T16:15:00.000-04:00

The premise for Rescue Dawn is as follows: "Dieter Dengler was a fighter pilot who was gunned down and captured during the Vietnam war; he then staged a remarkable break-out from the camp in which he was interned. RESCUE DAWN finds Christian Bale playing Dengler in this adaptation of his life, while famed and controversial filmmaker Werner Herzog directs."

Now, I'm a huge fan of prison escape movies (with the except of Papillion, dear *God* it just never ended!), and the plot of this movie is right up my alley, considering how much I enjoyed studying the Vietnam War. But the premise of this film just pisses me off. First of all, the trailer starts with the requisite "secret mission into Laos", then the predictable plane crash in enemy territory and the resulting POW status. That's fine. What pisses me off is the overwhelming theme of RAH RAH America in this trailer. I hope to God the movie is slightly different, because if they paint Laotians as violent warmongering animals, I am going to be livid. Believe me, I have a whole rant lined up if this turns out to be how it appears from the trailer:

28 Weeks Later

2007-05-13T15:17:00.000-04:00

It's been a full four years since 28 Days Later hit theatres, so frankly, I think this sequel is a little late in arriving. Actually, scratch that. I'm not even sure they should have made the sequel in the first place. 28 Days Later actually had an ending... and a surprisingly happy one, as the three (or two, if you watch the alternate ending) survivors presumably get rescued and the "infected" are dying off of starvation. So why the sequel? I'm guessing it did so-so at the box office, but the DVD sales made the studio realise that they could make more money off of this "rage virus infects Britain" storyline, so they decided to make a movie without the original cast, the original director and the same bloody plot. And by bloody, I mean bloody.The movie opens with the semi-predictable family gathering of survivors in an old farm house, but then the predictably dumbass young girl peeks out of a crack in the kitchen wall and is attacked by one of the infected, thus infecting the house. Only Robert Carlyle survives, at least, that's what we're supposed to think, as he deserts his wife in a bedroom full of infected and the audience presumes that she either becomes one of them, or she dies. Fast forward a bit (they go through a series of time periods on screen detailing what happened after all the bad dudes die... something to the effect of "infected die of starvation, american army comes in rah rah rah rebuilding starts". Robert Carlyle's two kids return to Britain from "a school trip" (they never say where) and are reunited with their father, who tells them their mum is dead. But *cue dramatic and creepy music*, the kids sneak out of the safe area to get some stuff at their house and find their mum alive and well, and most importantly, not infected, although she is a little crazy. So of course, the kids are pissed at their dad because he said she was dead, and the army medical officer Scarlett (Rose Byrne) discovers that dear old Robbie's wife got bitten, but due to some gene in her DNA, she is only a carrier of the rage virus. Cue scary music again. Robert Carlyle visits wifey, says sorry, kisses her and DUN DUN DUN becomes the first infected person in Britain in 6 months. Cue panic. Cue army shooting people. Cue predictable meeting up of medical officer Scarlett, the two kids, and hot army sniper Doyle (Jeremy Renner). Cue blood. Cue gore. Cue ridiculous open-ended conclusion leading to assumption that there will probably be a 28 Months Later.

I'm being a little hard on this movie actually, but considering how creepy the original is, 28 Weeks Later fell flat. The first half was fairly good, but after people started getting shot and the blood and gore started flying, it seemed like the writers forgot about the plot and opted for overwhelming guts and blood. What makes the first film so frightening was not the actual rage virus, or the bloodthirsty, blood-spewing, flesh-happy infected, but scenes like the opening sequence, as Cillian Murphy walks around a completely deserted London, or when they head to the army camp and they're the only car on the highway. The acting in the first one was pretty good, considering the plot, but you bought into the fear and panic and relief that the actors portrayed. The acting in the sequel, prior to the outbreak, isn't bad either, but it was weird to hear Rose Byrne (who is Australian) with an American accent. Once the rage virus hit, the acting was only so-so, but I was pleasantly surprised by the two kids, and Jeremy Renner, who always seems to play the bad guy (ie Dahmer and S.W.A.T.). The sequel lacked the humour and originality of 28 Days Later. There were no lighthearted moments, or even unpredictable moments when something would pop out at you. Granted, the last scenes in the sequel are freaky, mainly due to the setting, but overall it seems like the new director opted to make a horror film about zombies.

It wasn't completely awful, but if you like the original, there's no point in seeing the sequel; you'll only be disappointed.

Hot Fuzz

2007-04-26T16:15:00.000-04:00

Hot Fuzz

After convulsing with laughter during Shaun of the Dead, and pretty much anytime anyone referred to a line from it, I had to go see this movie. Granted, there aren't any zombies and Simon Pegg doesn't play a slacker-turned-hero, but it is just as funny.

Written by Edgar Wright and Simon Pegg, the film starts with listing the numerous commendations in Nicholas Angel's (Simon Pegg) career as a policeman- no, police officer, with the Metropolitan Police in London. He's so good that his superiors (Martin Freeman, Steve Coogan and Bill Nighy) decide to send him to the tiny village of Sandford, where there's little crime (excluding the missing swan) and a high number of accidents. His first night in town finds Angel in the local pub drinking cranberry juice and arresting underage drinkers. He almost gets run over by a drunken lout (Nick Frost, Ed from Shaun of the Dead) who is revealed the next day to be the inspector's son. The majority of the characters in the movie are parodies of the type of people portrayed in Britcoms, or British movies that are meant to portray tiny villages as "quaint" and "colourful": the stumbling cop, the sleazy town merchant, etc. The plot basically revolves around the "accidental" deaths of two of the town's inhabitants, who are decapitated after their horrifying portrayal of the Romeo and Juliet movie on stage.

What Shaun of the Dead did to zombie movies, Hot Fuzz does to action. The most prominent references are to Point Break and Bad Boys II, two of possibly the worst action movies ever made. But the references are great, specifically because they take the mickey out of both films, and Danny (Nick Frost) ends up using one of the more hilarious scenes of Point Break at one point. Although it is a comedy, there are a lot of action sequences within the humour, including a long gunbattle, and a chase scene. Essentially, it boils down to a buddy cop comedy with some gore, some colorful characters and great scenes with Martin Freeman, Bill Nighy, Jim Broadbent, Timothy Dalton and Steve Merchant.

There was actually a point in the movie when the entire audience was laughing uncontrollably for about 10 minutes, it's that funny. So I'd recommend it. I mean, it's not going to make any Top 10 Greatest Films of All Time lists any time soon, but it's enjoyable, and hilarious... and that's all that really matters, right?

DVD Review: Highlander

2007-04-08T01:39:00.000-04:00

Amanda's been talking about this movie pretty much since the day I became friends with her (I should have realised this was a sign of things to come), so we finally rented it the other night. I actually told her I would start this review with "What. The. Fuck." Sorry Amanda, I figured I'd just mock you instead.

Really though. What the fuck? That's all I could say for the first 20 minutes or so of this movie. Wrestling? Swordfighting in a parking garage against some 50 year-old acrobat? Decapitation and lightning? EIGHTIES HAIR? oh God the humanity! I was confused when Christopher Lambert all of a sudden had flashbacks to a Braveheart-style battle while he was watching team wrestling inside Madison Square Garden(s?), but I guess I'd zone out too if I had to watch that.

The audience gets his backstory in a series of flashbacks where he's got long ratty hair and wears a kilt, all the while affecting a terrible Scottish accent. He's Connor McLeod! Proud member of the McLeod clan, defender of freedom, lover of some blond-haired wench, fighter of guys in skull-decorated armour... oh, plus he's immortal. Anyhoo, he gets thrown out by his village because they think he's a witch and he sets up camp elsewhere, manages to find another blonde-haired wench in the process. Sean Connery shows up... hilarity ensues... mainly because Christopher Lambert is an American playing a Scotsman who doesn't sound like a Scotsman, and Sean Connery is a Scotsman playing an Egyptian with a Spanish name who sounds like a Scotsman. He teaches Connor all about being immortal, even going to the lengths of pushing him into the lake, even though he can't swim, but obviously he can't die, so no harm, no foul. Connery blabbers on about not dying and the quickening and the gathering, but then the dude with the skull armour shows up and decapitates him, cause apparently that's an immortal's only weakness. Strangely enough, decapitating a mortal only makes them stronger......

In modern times, Connor's changed his name to something Nash (not Pluto) so people don't know that he's like 400 years old, and he crosses paths with a woman who is investigating the death of the acrobat guy he decapitated in the beginning. She has fairly terrible eighties hair, belts her shirts and thinks that hiding a gun in a set of drawers in plain sight is terribly sneaky. Regardless, they have a fairly graphic sex scene, in front of a picture window looking out on the entire city no less, and then he has to go fight the skull-armour dude so that the gathering can happen.

Seriously, this movie is hilarious. It is one of the most unintentionally funny movies I have ever seen (Doom will always be number one though). From Lambert's hard-to-place accent, to Sean Connery playing a guy named Juan Sanchez Villa-Lobos Ramirez, to the over-usage of lightning effects and the phrase "There can be only one!", do I really need to explain the utter mockability of this movie?

Just a sidenote: This movie somehow managed to get a 71% fresh rating on Rotten Tomatoes. How in the hell did that happen?

Grindhouse

2007-04-08T00:41:00.000-04:00

I don't know what preceeded any of the other showings, but our theatre played the fake trailer for Hobo with a Shotgun, which was actually directed by a guy from Dartmouth and filmed in and around the HRM. That second-long clip of the hobo running along a submarine was filmed on the waterfront. It pretty much just shows this hobo who wants to get out of the hobo life, but while he's gazing longingly through a store window, he sees some kids getting rustled up by some bad guys, so he buys a shotgun and causes some shit. Rodriguez's own trailer for Machete absolutely killed me though. Everyone in the theatre loved it! Here's a taste: "You've fucked with the wrong Mexican".

Planet Terror:

Robert Rodriguez's segment of the movie stars Freddy Rodriguez (no relation), Rose McGowan, Josh Brolin, Marley Shelton, Bruce Willis, Naveen Andrews, Michael Biehn and a whole lot of ugly guys and gals.

Opening with a go-go dancer named Cherry (Rose McGowan), who quits as soon as she's finished her dance, the story pretty much follows her, as she heads down the highway, goes to a BBQ restaurant, only to run into her old boyfriend Wray (Freddy Rodriguez), who gives her a ride. While they're getting reacquainted, Naveen Andrews and his posse (including Bruce Willis) accidentally-on-purpose release a chemical into the air that makes anyone who comes in contact with it (or the bodily fluids of anyone infected) turn into a bubbling blood-exploding mess that likes to eat humans. This little situation ends up fucking over our not-so-favourite recent solo star Fergie Ferg, whose brain ends up being eaten... I hope it was Fergilicious boys.

Cherry and Wray are in his towtruck talking about romantic things, like roadkill, and how people 'in these parts' eat roadkill, because when you see a deer in 'these parts' you can't swerve or else you're dead, so you just have to kill the deer. Wray suddenly sees something in front of them, and swerves, resulting in them crashing. While they're hanging upside down in the truck, Cherry says my favourite line in the entire movie: "I thought you said you weren't supposed to FUCKING SWERVE". She gets dragged out by the crazies, who tear off her leg.

Anyway, I don't want to ruin it for people. But let me just warn you, it's pretty damn gross. I'm talking about exploding pustules on people's tongues, melting genitalia, a plastic bag full of testicles... you get the picture. It's still great. It's all worth it in the end. And the film itself, I mean the process and everything, is great. There's a scene interrupted by the film literally melting and then a sign comes up saying "Missing Reel - we apologise for any inconvenience - Mgmt.". Awesome. Oh, and I'm sorry, but Michael Biehn was just plain fantastic.

In between the two films were some fake trailers by other famous directors. Werewolf Women of the SS by Rob Zombie, Don't by Edgar Wright (which was definately my favourite after Hobo and Machete) and Eli Roth's Thanksgiving which was just plain disgusting.

Death Proof:

Tarantino's film stars Kurt Russell as an aging stuntman named, fittingly, Stuntman Mike. But the movie opens with three girls (Sydney Tamiia Poitier, Jordan Ladd and Vanessa Ferlito) cruising around in their car, listening to music and figuring out: a)where they're going to score some weed and b) what their plans are for that evening. They end up in a divey bar where they dance, and drink and flirt with some guys before the camera floats over to Stuntman Mike, who's eating nachos like it's nobody's business before Pam (Rose McGowan) asks if she can get a ride home later. His car has a white skull painted on the hood and a duck hood ornament... what a chick magnet. After he explains that the car is "death proof", hence the title, she gets into the passenger seat, only to be told once they're on their way that "This car is 100% death proof, only to get the benefit of it honey, you really need to be sitting in my seat" before he slams on the brakes and she flies forward. He then kills the three girls from the beginning of the movie by slamming into their car at a ridiculously high speed.

A year later, he's at it again, targeting four girls in Tennessee (Rosario Dawson, Tracie Thoms, Mary Elizabeth Winstead and Zoe Bell), three of which decide that playing 'ship's mast' on an old Dodge Challenger is a super-fantastic idea. Needless to say, Stuntman Mike crosses paths with them and hijinks ensue.

Both films were fantastic in their own right. Planet Terror was more bloody and definately more campy, but it was still entertaining. The plot was thin as hell, but the effects were awesome... I mean, who doesn't love seeing a girl with a semi-automatic as a leg? Shooting bullets out of it?? Kick. Ass. Death Proof was a little more character-driven, allowing the audience to bond a little bit with the characters before they meet their fates. And the ending was just... sheer genius. I mean, the theatre audience actually cheered and yelled "yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaah!!" when THE END showed up on screen.

DVD Review: Casino Royale

2007-04-08T00:13:00.000-04:00

I'm not going to lie and say this was one of the worst movies I've ever seen... but I definately wasn't as entertained as I should have been, considering it's supposed to be one of the better Bond films of late. After the utter shit that was Die Another Day, I was really hesistant to go out and waste my money on this in the theatre... so I'm glad I waited until one of my friends rented it.

First of all, let me just get this out of the way: I have never, still don't and never will agree with the choice of Daniel Craig as James Bond. A) He's blonde, B) he's a beefcake and C) just... blech. Never in my mind will he stack up with Sean Connery, Pierce Brosnan, Timothy Dalton, Roger Moore and god help me, George Lazenby. I'm only expressing this so you understand how I felt going into this movie.

So it starts with... er... oh wait, I remember, in black and white, to which Maggie (who'd never seen a Bond film before) goes "is this whole goddamn movie in black and white? *sigh*", which was pretty funny. Anyway, so there's this dude, and he goes into his office, but of course Bond is sitting there being like "I'm a 00 agent now, so I'm going to shoot you in the head because I already killed your associate and it takes two kills to make me 007 and naner naner naner" etc etc. So I'm already bothered by the fact that Bond has mercilessly killed this guy in cold blood by drowning him in a bathroom sink because James Bond is supposed to be all quippy and dry wit when about to kill an enemy. But I digress...

Anyway, then there's some stuff in other places with guns and bad guys and chase scenes and people getting blown up, which is pretty typical of Bond movies... the good ones anyway. James Bond goes back to London, breaks into his boss' house, which she doesn't seem to perturbed about, and they decide he should go join a high-stakes poker game (or some other card game, who the fuck cares really) so that he can catch the bad guy. He meets a lady on the train, thinks she's pretty, makes some joke about her ass, or his ass, or something, I quickly make the call that she's either evil, or dead meat. Card game goes on, James Bond gets a drink (NOT a martini shaken not stirred). Blah blah blah... with most Bond films you can sum the plots up in about 5 seconds, and this one is no different. So I was a little thrown when along comes this 20 minute long sequence (could have been longer, or shorter, either way it felt like waaaaay too long) of Bond and the evil/dead girl being schmultzy. Gross.

I'm going to stop with the summary here, partly because I really don't remember a lot of the details and partly because I don't want to ruin the entire thing for those who haven't seen it yet. For those of you who *have* seen it, spare me the whole "but it's to explain WHY Bond is the way he is in the other movies" argument. I do. not. care. For that argument to hold up, this movie would have to take place in the past, not the present... frankly, I think the space-time continuim just got a little fucked up because of it. Isn't the world supposed to explode when that happens? I mean, how hard is it to base a movie about spies in the 1940s? You could have Bond fighting the Nazis! And he could earn his 00 status while retrieving ancient relics while his crotchety Scottish dad goes around and - oh wait.

ARG... Becoming Jane trailer

2007-03-23T18:31:00.000-04:00

Ach! Anne Hathaway is playing Jane Austen in the film Becoming Jane. I find this extremely annoying. Not only did she ruin my favourite book Ella Enchanted by being in the absolutely terrible movie version, she is most likely going to ruin this film as well. I agree with everyone else cast, as James Cromwell (on 24 as of now, but is famous for Babe), Maggie Smith and Julie Walters (both from Harry Potter), and James McAvoy, seeing as they're either ACTUALLY British/Scottish, or they're capable of imitating the accent. Anne Hathaway? Let's forget that she was the only non-British cast member of Ella Enchanted (because even that wouldn't have saved it from being terrible) and go straight to the point: She is not a great actress. The only reason why everyone believes she did so well in The Devil Wears Prada is because of Meryl Streep, plus it was also a fluff movie. Ugh. This news annoys me. I hope it turns out to be like the "Keira Knightley as Elizabeth Bennet" thing, but I have a feeling it won't.

Knocked Up, Penelope trailers

2007-03-23T18:12:00.000-04:00

When I first heard about this movie, I thought it sounded like utter crap. But, it *does* have Seth Rogan, Paul Rudd and Jason Segel in it, and how can you go wrong with two of the main guys off of Freaks and Geeks? So here's the trailer for anyone interested:

Another movie that looks pretty good is Penelope, starring Christina Ricci and rising star/hot Scot James McAvoy.

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End trailer

2007-03-20T22:38:00.000-04:00

I'm entirely over the whole Pirates of the Caribbean thing. Sure, the first one was entertaining, plus it was back when Orlando Bloom wasn't a poncy jackass, and when the Jack Sparrow schtick wasn't grating as hell. I was really disappointed with the second one. The plot was so thin, and the only thing I enjoyed about it was Jack Davenport. BUT, saying that, I'll probably end up seeing the third one. It looks entertaining enough, and it looks like they've abandoned the whole "let's get Jack and Elizabeth together to see how the audience reacts" thing. Anyway, here's the trailer if you're interested:

300

2007-03-20T17:45:00.000-04:00

I ended up seeing this movie with two people who were not all that interested in seeing it. Of course, by about 20 minutes of seeing a bunch of hot muscled men running around half-naked, they were won over, and I think I saw Maggie actually fanning herself at one point. It wasn't just the eye candy that made me want to see this movie, and it wasn't the fact that it was clearly going to be a hit... it was partly the visual appeal, and partly the fact that David Wenham is in it.

Based off of Frank Miller's graphic novel (which I have yet to read, but it's on it's way), the plot is fairly simple: 300 Spartan soldiers under the command of King Leonidas (Gerard Butler) fight against the Persian armies in 480 B.C. at the Battle of Thermopylae. It begins with the story of how Leonidas became King of Sparta; almost got tossed off a cliff as a baby, then beat up some kid when he was sent away from home in Spartan tradition, killed a wolf in the woods, etc. The audience then learns that he pissed off the Persian "god-king" Xerxes (Rodrigo Santoro) by kicking his messenger and his hangers-ons down a well ("This is madness!" "Madness?... THIS. IS. SPARTA!" fun dialogue, and I'm pretty sure there were someone behind me who said it along with Butler). Unfortunately, his decision to punt some dudes down the well pretty much ensures that Xerxes is going to want to attack, but Leonidas doesn't get permission from the Oracle to take the Spartan army north to meet the Persians. Instead, he takes his 300 finest soldiers and marches towards the coast.

At this point, the 300 soldiers meet up with Arcadians, who are like "wtf? you only brought a handful of guys?" to which Leonidas asks a few Arcadians what their professions are, and of course none of them say "soldier", so Leonidas makes a point of asking the Spartans what their profession is, and they all yell in unison and it's all very silly and masculine. They then see a village burning in the distance, so of course they investigate and Dilios (David Wenham), who is also the narrator, finds the villagers dead in a tree as some sort of sick message. Once they finally get to the Haut Gates, or whatever they're called, that's when the real action starts. Army after army of the Persian empire attempt to defeat the tiny Spartan contigent only to be chopped up into teeny pieces.

The battles themselves are filmed in a really interesting way: they speed up the action in parts and slow it down in others, so it's more interesting to watch than something like Braveheart where the battles seem incredibly dull and long. In 300, you get to see legs and arms chopped off, and even heads! It's very cool. The costumes were great. I read somewhere that they had to dye the cloaks numerous times to get it to the Spartan red, which is some crazy dedication, considering the phalanx itself was changed from being historically accurate because the film version's phalanx "looked cooler" (direct quote from the director, Zack Snyder). The one thing I had a problem with were the weird creatures in Xerxes camp (the dude with the goat head? the fat troll guy with the saw-like arms?... crazy). I mean, maybe they're in the graphic novel, but everyone in the theatre laughed at that point. I wasn't too fond of the Oracle scene or the sex scene between Leonidas and his wife, mainly because they were just awkward to watch.

While the Spartans are chopping left and right, and just generally making the women in the audience all hot and bothered, Leonidas' wife Queen Gorgo (Lena Headey) is back in Sparta trying to persuade senators to send the rest of the army north. Needless to say, she runs into some opposition from Theron (Dominic West), who's just basically a dick about everything.

Essentially, this movie's mostly action and eye candy, with bits and bobs of plot, but it was extremely entertaining and enjoyable to watch. It wasn't as gory as I expected, and the gore was done, for the most part, pretty tastefully so that it was more artsy rather than bloody.

Even though it's basically a historical epic with some gore and is not actually considered historically accurate since it's based on a graphic novel, I thought the acting was pretty good. Granted, there was some serious cheese in it, mainly in the battle scenes ("Give them nothing... but take from them everything!", and "not right now, I'm busy"), but overall it was pretty good dialogue. David Wenham's narration was great as well, and it was nice to hear him get some laughs from non-slapstick style dialogue a la Van Helsing (ie "it's only an eye, luckily God was sensible enough to bestow me with a spare" or something to that effect). Butler was great, as usual. Hopefully this will get him out of his preference for being in relatively stupid movies after this blockbuster (need I remind you of Timeline, Reign of Fire, or Phantom of the Opera?), although it looks like he's going to be in a remake of Escape from New York, so I guess we'll have to wait on that. Lena Headey really impressed me. I've only seen her in The Brothers Grimm, which was not an entirely fantastic movie, but she won me over in this. I thought she was fantastic. I can't even express how much more I love David Wenham now because of this movie.

It's funny when you're in a movie theatre and you can hear people in the audience exclaim things at certain points during a film. I heard a number of different people say "oooooh shit!" during 300, specifically at points during the battles (the arrows blacking out the sun, the rhino, etc). It was great. I don't think I've ever enjoyed seeing a movie in a theatre so much. I only wish I could have been one of the uber-geeks and gone to the midnight release.

Ghost Rider

2007-03-10T15:07:00.000-04:00

While looking for this picture (which is laughable in itself) in google images, I noticed there was a variety of opinions on the film: "Ghost Rider is quite disappointing", "Ghost Rider wow it was a great film" and my personal favourite "Ghost Rider So Bad It's Enjoyably Funny".

I didn't go to the movie theatre last night planning to see this movie. But it was the only thing playing around the time that I got there, and, since 300 was sold out, I figured, why the hell not? It could be a laugh.

You don't go into a Nicholas Cage movie expecting to be wowed. Ever. I enjoyed National Treasure, sure, but I didn't walk into the theatre going "hm, I bet this movie is going to be fantastic". Maybe that's why I wasn't disappointed, seeing as my expectations were so very low to begin with. This same phenomenon didn't occur with Ghost Rider.

Going back to the three opinions above, I'd say I fall between the first one and the last one, because I wasn't completely disappointed, and I thought it was funny, but not enough to convince me that it was worth the money.

Essentially, the movie boils down to this: Johnny Blaze sells his soul to the devil (Peter Fonda) to rid his father of terminal cancer. But, once his dad is healthy, the devil kills him in a motorcycle accident. Blaze then grows up into Nicholas Cage, who has apparently become a huge celebrity by making incredible jumps on his motorcycle (we're talking over 20 18-wheelers through fire, etc etc blah blah blah). Once he's completed his super crazy Guinness Book of World Records jump over 6 helicopters with their rotors going and over a distance of a football field, he reconnects with his old flame (ha ha get it? flame??), but then the devil decides to use him to get a contract of 100 souls, which, for some reason, makes him turn into skull-on-fire dude who can transform his motorbike into a chrome monstrosity. So he goes through all the hooplah of becoming Ghost Rider, then meets up with the 4 main evil dudes of the movie, three of whom represent elements, and the main guy, who looks like he stepped out of a My Chemical Romance video (not a compliment), who is revealed to be the son of the devil (no his name is not Damien, sadly). Anyways, the gist of it is that he decides to become the "devil's bounty hunter" and fight these four dudes, while romancing his highschool sweetheart and creeping out his best friend.

The CGI wasn't that great, there was a ridiculous amount of terrible dialogue ("you sure you can keep up?" "no, thank you kid", etc), emo kid had way too much make-up on, water dude was creepy and gross-looking, wind dude looked like a caveman, plot holes, plot holes, plot holes. I ended up laughing for the last hour just because it was so unbelievably camp, and not in a good way.

One last thing: it seems that blouses that button all the way up were of short supply on the set, because Eva Mendes' boobs were popping out the entire movie.

300 trailer

2007-03-05T23:42:00.000-04:00

The trailer for Frank Miller's "300" have been floating around the internet and tv for ages now, but I'm still going to post it. This is the one movie that I have been looking forward to seeing for the past 4 or 5 months. Not only because David Wenham's in it, but also because it looks spectacular visually. The producers look like they've worked really hard to maintain the look of the graphic novel. The one gripe I have about it is Gerard Butler, mainly because he's supposed to be Greek and he sounds Scottish, as per usual. I understand that his accent may be his "thing", seeing as Sean Connery apparently tried to get rid of his early in his career only to be told that he had to keep it to get jobs (resulting in the Spanish character he plays in Highlander to sound like he came from the Highlands), but I've seen Butler play characters that have no business sounding like they do. Beowulf? Not Scottish. But I digress... it'll still be a great film.

I was going to post both trailers, but since this one has David Wenham narrating, I figured this is the better one to post. There's also some great footage on the website of the making of the film which I was going to post, but instead I'm just going to provide the links.

Video Diary 1 - First Look
Video Diary 2 - Production Design
Video Diary 3 - Spartan Training
Video Diary 4 - Wardrobe
Video Diary 5 - Stunt Work
Video Diary 8 - Creatures

I'm not posting the links to every single one, because there's eleven of them, and only a few of them are vaguely interesting. Go to the movie's official website if you're interested in the rest.

The Prestige

2007-03-04T00:15:00.000-04:00

The Prestige

Wow.

I have to say, I never really liked magicians growing up. Mainly because they always did the same crap (the coloured hankerchiefs, wand, etc etc). It just didn't seem impressive.

This movie impressed me. I don't know how it compares to The Illusionist, and frankly, I don't really care. I don't need to see Jessica Biel and Ed Norton affecting a British accent for two and a half hours (and aren't they supposed to be in Russia or something?... odd). It doesn't really seem like the two movies are about the same thing anyway. The Illusionist looks like it's more about the personal lives of the characters, whereas The Presige.... well, you're basically guessing what the two main characters are up to the entire time.

I already figured I would like this movie, since Christian Bale, Michael Caine and David Bowie are in it... with the added plus of a little Andy Serkis. I was worried Scarlett Johannsson was going to be weak, but she actually impressed me. Say what you will about her, but she *can* act. And pretend she's British pretty convincingly. Everyone already know how great both Christian Bale and Michael Caine are, so it was really Hugh Jackman that had to convince me that buying this movie before seeing it wasn't a waste of my money. And he was pretty good... no scratch that, he was really good.

The plot though, is fantastic! I mean, it really is a thing of genius. I saw in the credits that it's based off a novel, which makes me interested in reading it. For some reason, I can't see it as a book, which says a lot for the screenplay writers.

If you haven't seen it yet, I guarantee that you won't be disappointed if you rent it. It's jaw-droppingly good.

2007 Oscars Predictions

2007-02-24T18:01:00.000-04:00

And off we go...

Performance by an actor in a leading role
Leonardo DiCaprio - BLOOD DIAMOND
Ryan Gosling - HALF NELSON
Peter O'Toole - VENUS
Will Smith - THE PURSUIT OF HAPPYNESS
Forest Whitaker - THE LAST KING OF SCOTLAND

I'd like to think that Leonardo DiCaprio's fantastic performance in The Departed would give him enough to win the Best Actor, but apparently Forest Whitaker is amazing as Amin, plus I think he won the BAFTA for it, so it'll probably go to him. Which is too bad for Ryan Gosling, but who knows, maybe our hottest Canadian male will sneak in from behind and take it! Cross your fingers!

Performance by an actor in a supporting role
Alan Arkin - LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE
Jackie Earle Haley - LITTLE CHILDREN
Djimon Hounsou - BLOOD DIAMOND
Eddie Murphy - DREAMGIRLS
Mark Wahlberg - THE DEPARTED

Mark Wahlberg was SO great as the foul-mouthed Dignam, but Alan Arkin was hilarious, so I hope he gets it. Eddie Murphy also might win, just because he's got such a crap movie out.

Performance by an actress in a leading role
Penélope Cruz - VOLVER
Judi Dench - NOTES ON A SCANDAL
Helen Mirren - THE QUEEN
Meryl Streep - THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA
Kate Winslet - LITTLE CHILDREN

Duh. That's all I have to say about that.

Performance by an actress in a supporting role
Adriana Barraza - BABEL
Cate Blanchett - NOTES ON A SCANDAL
Abigail Breslin - LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE
Jennifer Hudson - DREAMGIRLS
Rinko Kikuchi - BABEL

Gag. Abigail Breslin should win, but she won't because of stupid Nightmaregirls.

Best animated feature film of the year
CARS
HAPPY FEET
MONSTER HOUSE

Random guess. I think this is the second year in a row where I haven't seen at least one of the animated movies. Guess I've grown up (nooooooooo!).

Achievement in art direction
DREAMGIRLS
THE GOOD SHEPHERD
PAN'S LABYRINTH
PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MAN'S CHEST
THE PRESTIGE

Because come on... it's called ART direction for a reason.

Achievement in cinematography
THE BLACK DAHLIA
CHILDREN OF MEN
THE ILLUSIONIST
PAN'S LABYRINTH
THE PRESTIGE

Probably won't go to either... but it's a toss-up for me. The cinematography in both was just so fantastic. I hope it goes to Pan's though.

Achievement in costume design
CURSE OF THE GOLDEN FLOWER
THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA
DREAMGIRLS
MARIE ANTOINETTE
THE QUEEN

Could go to Marie Antoinette, even though the rest of the movie apparently sucks. Hope it goes to The Queen though.

Achievement in directing
BABEL
THE DEPARTED
LETTERS FROM IWO JIMA
THE QUEEN
UNITED 93

Martin Scorcese will probably get this. Babel's practically Crash, and Haggis won for that last year, didn't he? Eastwood has got one. I don't think Scorcese has one, so he'll probably get it.

Best documentary feature
DELIVER US FROM EVIL
AN INCONVENIENT TRUTH
IRAQ IN FRAGMENTS
JESUS CAMP
MY COUNTRY, MY COUNTRY

I hear Jesus Camp is creepy as hell, but An Inconvenient Truth is relevant to today (global warming AHHH!) so it'll win.

Best documentary short subject
THE BLOOD OF YINGZHOU DISTRICT
RECYCLED LIFE
REHEARSING A DREAM
TWO HANDS

Um.... quick, guess!

Achievement in film editing
BABEL
BLOOD DIAMOND
CHILDREN OF MEN
THE DEPARTED
UNITED 93

Again, this could go to anyone, but the editing in Children of Men was great, especially the 7 minute long scene at the end with no cuts. Fantabulous.

Best foreign language film of the year
AFTER THE WEDDING
DAYS OF GLORY (INDIGÈNES)
THE LIVES OF OTHERS
PAN'S LABYRINTH
WATER

A tiny part of me wants Water to win, since it's the Canadian entry... but there's no goddamn way it's going to beat Pan's Labyrinth. No. Way. If it does, it'll be similar (for me anyways) to Brokeback winning Best Original Score. And don't even get me started on that.

Achievement in makeup
APOCALYPTO
CLICK
PAN'S LABYRINTH

Duh. Again.

Achievement in music written for motion pictures (Original score)
BABEL
THE GOOD GERMAN
NOTES ON A SCANDAL
PAN'S LABYRINTH
THE QUEEN

No idea. But Pan's had some great music. So did The Queen. I'm going with The Queen though, because it has to feel some love too.

Achievement in music written for motion pictures (Original song)
"I Need to Wake Up" - AN INCONVENIENT TRUTH
"Listen" - DREAMGIRLS
"Love You I Do" - DREAMGIRLS
"Our Town" - CARS
"Patience" - DREAMGIRLS

Personally, I think it is completely unfair and utterly insane to have THREE FUCKING SONGS FROM ONE DAMN MOVIE NOMINATED. So I'm going with "I Need to Wake Up" to say a big FUCK YOU to Dreamgirls.

Best motion picture of the year
BABEL
THE DEPARTED
LETTERS FROM IWO JIMA
LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE
THE QUEEN

This is so hard for me, because I loved The Departed, Little Miss Sunshine and The Queen, plus everyone I know who's seen Babel loved it, and Letters From Iwo Jima sounds really good too. But I think The Queen's going to take it, simply because it is awesome, but I'll be happy with any one of these movies winning.

Best animated short film
THE DANISH POET
LIFTED
THE LITTLE MATCHGIRL
MAESTRONO
TIME FOR NUTS

Erm... guess again!

Best live action short film
BINTA AND THE GREAT IDEA (BINTA Y LA GRAN IDEA)
ÉRAMOS POCOS (ONE TOO MANY)
HELMER & SON
THE SAVIOUR
WEST BANK STORY

Uh... ??

Achievement in sound editing
APOCALYPTO
BLOOD DIAMOND
FLAGS OF OUR FATHERS
LETTERS FROM IWO JIMA
PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MAN'S CHEST

I've only seen one of these movies... and it sucked... so I'm going to go with the one I *wanted* to see.

Achievement in sound mixing
APOCALYPTO
BLOOD DIAMOND
DREAMGIRLS
FLAGS OF OUR FATHERS
PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MAN'S CHEST

Blah. Will probably go to Dreamgirls.

Achievement in visual effects
PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MAN'S CHEST
POSEIDON
SUPERMAN RETURNS

Even though the movie itself sucked, the visual effects were cool.

Adapted screenplay
BORAT CULTURAL LEARNINGS OF AMERICA FOR MAKE BENEFIT GLORIOUS NATION OF KAZAKHSTAN
CHILDREN OF MEN
THE DEPARTED
LITTLE CHILDREN NOTES ON A SCANDAL

Screw you Borat. Go Children of Men!

Original screenplay
BABEL
LETTERS FROM IWO JIMA
LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE
PAN'S LABYRINTH
THE QUEEN

I really really really hope it goes to Pan's. Or The Queen. Or Little Miss Sunshine. But Pan's the most.

Pan's Labyrinth

2007-02-24T17:26:00.000-04:00

Pan's Labyrinth

I really can't express how much this movie rocks. I actually think I was speechless while walking out of the theatre. Both Alanna and I were trying to hide the fact that we were crying at the end haha. But really, it is a fantastic movie. Don't judge it by the pictures you've seen in the magazines or papers, or wherever. The creepy dude with the eyes in his hands is only a small section of the story, so if he creeps you out, that should be reassuring. The young actress who plays Ofelia, Ivana Baquero, is just fabulous. She pretty much carries the film, and she's great. It's just too bad foreign language actors and actresses don't get recognition at the Oscars, because screw Abigail Breslin (Little Miss Sunshine), this girl is best actress material!If you don't know anything about this movie, the main thing you need to know about it is that it's a Spanish language film, with English subtitles. So if you don't enjoy reading some parts of a film, get over it... because this movie is too good to miss.

The story centres around Ofelia, who's about 10, and the fairy tales she invents in order to deal with her everyday life. It takes place in 1944, in Spain, as General Franco's army is trying to repress the rebellion. You learn early on that Ofelia's father has died during the war, and that her mother has remarried a Spanish captain who doesn't care for anything except his unborn son. The fairy tale aspect is introduced when Ofelia encounters a "fairy" on the way to the old mill where her stepfather's unit is located. This fairy later leads her into a maze at the back of the house, where she meets a faun who reveals to her that she is the long-lost princess of the underworld and she must complete three tasks in order to join her true father, the king, again. There are other narratives in the film other than Ofelia's, but hers is really the most important. The characters within her story, such as the faun, the pale man, even the toad, are just amazingly created. The scenes with the pale man scared the crap out of me. I was literally shrinking in my seat.

It's up for 6 Oscars tomorrow night: Best Original Screenplay, Best Cinematography, Best Original Score, Best Foreign Language Film, Best Makeup and Best Art Direction... and if it doesn't win at LEAST Best Foreign Language and Best Makeup, something is seriously wrong with the Academy.Someone asked me where the "Pan" comes into it... and I actually had no idea until I realised that the title in Spanish is "El Laberinto del Fauno" and that the faun's name in the film is Pan. Which makes a hell of a lot of sense.

Anyways, this is a fantastic movie, and I absolutely cannot wait to see it again. If you do see it, be prepared to ride an emotional rollercoaster. It's intense.

Trailers...

2006-08-09T21:55:00.000-04:00

I'm kinda bored, so I've been watching movie trailers on the apple website.
Is it just me or have movie companies decided to complete fuck up beloved children's stories? Case in point: Flicka, Charlotte's Web, but the ones that piss me off the most are Transformers and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
Firstly, the Transformers movie is directed by Michael Bay. What else has Michael Bay directed that has been any good?..... think now....(and if you say Bad Boys and/or Armageddon, I can no longer respect you)... that's right, Michael Bay has directed nothing good. Ever. And the movie's premise is something retarded (or as much as I can tell from the trailer) like the "robots in disguise" (awesome theme song) smash a Mars rover and then travel to earth to... what? destroy it? I'm confused. Plus Josh Duhamel is in it, which is pointless. Unless he dies. Although I have to give the producers props for getting the original voice of Optimus Prime.
Secondly, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie is animated. And it's the fourth Ninja Turtles movie. Enough is enough. Maggie brought up a good point for both movies: Does anyone from their target market remember these tv shows? The reason why I sound so fanatic about the fuck-up-age of this stuff is because I watched both shows, avidly. Hell, I even watched the animal version of Transformers... called... er.... Beast Wars (I swear, I love imdb), where the main character was a gorilla called Optimus Primal (do NOT ask me how I remember that). Anyway, Maggie's point is valid. People who remember the tv shows will go see the movie for the nostalgia aspect... and I suspect they'll be severely disappointed.
Some other cool-looking movies coming out within the next year are The U.S. vs John Lennon, which is a documentary about Lennon's struggle for peace while Nixon tried to win the war in Vietnam. It looks fucking awesome. The Departed looks kind of interesting, even though it has Jack Nicholson in it (and I'm getting rather sick of him). Children of Men looks kind of interesting in an end-of-the-world-so-we're-all-fucked kind of way, and it has Chiwetel Ejiofor in it (who, in my opinion, is freaking brilliant and completely awesome). But the movie that looks the most interesting, and the one that I want to see the most is The Last King Of Scotland. If you don't bother to watch any of the other trailers I'm putting here, watch this one at least. It looks amazing. Actually Borat looks hilarious in a completely offensive way.
And then there are the stinkers: Jon Heder is stuck forever as Napoleon Dynamite, Trying to be Sin City, only it's UNORIGINAL, Crash set in Africa, Old dude mentor + new cocky jackass = been done before, thank you, let's move on, Title's too long, you suck.
I also think it's kind of weird that there are two different movies about magicians coming out within a few months of each other: The Illusionist (in August, starring Ed Norton, Jessica Biel and Paul Giamatti) and The Prestige (in October, starring Christian Bale, Hugh Jackman, Michael Caine and Scarlett Johansson). Personally, I hate affected British accents. If the actor isn't British, they usually can't pull it off. So why on earth would they choose to have the all-American cast of The Illusionist affect British accents? It sounds awful in the trailer. But maybe I'm picky. Anyway, The Prestige looks better. I don't like Scarlett Johansson (because she's a brainless twit), but she can act... though apparently not British (sigh). Christian Bale is actually a Welshman, so his cockney accent is believable. Plus, him and Michael Caine together again so soon after the kickass Batman Begins? Sweet. And yes, that IS David Bowie in the trailer... heh.
Okay, clearly I'm a movie geek, but check some of these out.

The Lake House, The Omen

2006-06-23T02:11:00.000-04:00

Final verdicts:

The Lake House: If you ignore the fact that the plot really doesn't make sense (ie the being able to contact each other even though they live two years apart) and the fact that they never explain how said contact is possible, it's actually an okay movie, if you enjoy romances. And I do. I also enjoy Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock. Granted, neither of them will be awarded an Oscar anytime soon, but this movie was entertaining. Plus the ending was so very heart-warming and squishy.

The Omen: Sucked. With a capital S. Laughable and campy. I really REALLY wanted Liev Schreiber to kill the kid in the end. *I* wanted to kill the kid by the end. He was not scary. Every time he glared at Julia Stiles (or "mummy"), the entire audience LAUGHED. Ugh. Just plain stupid. The only parts where I jumped were when they basically threw shit at you (weird thing in mirror when Julia Stiles closes cabinet... crazy nanny jumping on Liev Schreiber's back, etc). Maybe I'm just not one of those people who get scared at "freaky weird kids who scare people shitless with their weirdness" movies, since I thought Rosemary's Baby was a huge waste of time (they never even show what the kid looks like!) and I thought The Grudge was garbage. I felt bad for David Thewlis' character though. Poor guy. Anyway, waste of money, Don't go see.

The DaVinci Code

2006-06-12T16:12:00.000-04:00

The DaVinci Code

I've seen a bunch of movies lately that I just haven't been in the mood to review (X-Men 3, The Proposition, The Break-Up), but since I saw The Da Vinci Code again yesterday, I might as well post something about it.

Alright, so I've read about a bajillion reviews for The Da Vinci Code, none of them being particularly kind. Some critics lauded it as the "thinking man's action movie" before it was actually screened for the media. Frankly, the hype killed this movie. Everyone was wetting themselves in anticipation for it, and when it finally hit theatres, the press just went "meh". Well you know what, movie critics? You can suck it. I liked it. Everyone I know who went to see it didn't think it was the piece of crap that you thought it was. So just suck it. I didn't like you before, and now I know that you're all just a bunch of prissy know-it-alls who think they have their fingers on the pulse of today's movie-going population. Clearly you don't, considering every reviewer of The Break-Up said it was a piece of shit, but it's still raking in the dough at the box office.

Uh, anyhoo...Firstly, the translation of the book into movie wasn't really all that successful, so I'm going to blame that on Ron Howard, simply because he deserves a kick in the groin every so often just for being him. And also because he has millions of dollars. But I digress... They skipped some integral scenes from the book that I thought deserved to be in the film, such as the fact that there was another cryptex inside the first one... although I doubt they would have had time to add those extra clues, especially with all the damn flashbacks they decided to put it. The entire movie was flashbacks that weren't necessarily needed. And frankly, the filmmakers should have either elaborated on Silas' background (which explained nothing in the flashback to those who hadn't read the book) or they should have left that scene for the editing room floor. Other than that, the movie lacked the fun and mystery of Dan Brown's book, which is odd, considering it practically read as a script. All it needed was the sound effects in italics, which you can usually find in Matt Reilly's books (which, incidentally, would be awesome movies). But, given all that, it was still an entertaining movie. And not in the way that Mission: Impossible 3 was (ie "this is entertaining because I'm laughing at how STUPID Tom Cruise is and how this movie has no plot *bizarre insane laughter*"). It may not be "the thinking man's action movie" but it's intelligent, and it's got action. I've heard people complain that they thought it was too slow-moving, but to be fair, the movie wouldn't make any sense if it wasn't for the scene where Langdon and Sophie are in Teabing's study (which I'm sure is what people are complaining about).

Anyway, on to the actors. As soon as I heard that Tom Hanks was cast as Robert Langdon, I cringed. Why? I asked myself, Why would they choose someone who clearly doesn't fit the "Harrison Ford in Harrison Tweed" image that Dan Brown uses within the first 30 pages of the novel. I'm not a huge fan of Tom Hanks. Mainly because I feel like he doesn't play anyone other than himself in any movie he's in. He never plays a bad guy... at least in any film I've seen. And those who know me well know that I love actors who can play a wide range of roles (take David Wenham in The Proposition and compare it to his role in Dust or The Bank; Colin Firth in Shakespeare in Love or Circle of Friends compared to his roles in Pride & Prejudice or Love Actually). Tom Hanks always plays Tom Hanks... he may pretend to be a bad guy, but by the middle of the movie, it's always revealed that he has a heart behind that annoying receding hairline face of his (read: You've Got Mail). I hated Forrest Gump. So consider my SHOCK when I didn't mind him as the film's main character. He wasn't that bad. Hell, even his "serial killer hairstyle" didn't bother me.

The film really belonged to the secondary characters though. Ian McKellen steals the show in every movie he's been in lately. Jean Reno was excellent. But the real stand-out was Paul Bettany as Silas. Not only was he dressed the part, he was creepy as hell. Even his fake Italian accent won me over. Critics were so-so about Audrey Tautou as Sophie, but I really can't see anyone else doing as good a job as she did.The music was great, though I won't be rushing out to buy the soundtrack anytime soon. I just mean that it added to the movie, which is what a great soundtrack does (not just annoying the HELL out of audiences because it's 8 notes over and over in stupid breaks in the plot... UGH fucking Brokeshit Mountain). The locations they shot at were, obviously, amazing... actually, the best part about seeing this movie the first time was the fact that I had been to Westminister Abbey that day, although we couldn't go right up to Sir Isaac Newton's tomb, like they do in the movie.

As for how pissed off people are getting at the book, leave it alone. I mean, honestly, it's FICTION. That's why it's in the FICTION section in bookstores. No one got pissed when he wrote Angels & Demons. Or when Christopher Moore wrote Lamb, which takes the Christ story and puts sex, demons and kung-fu into it, along with the stupidest angel God could find.The bottom line is that the movie is good. It's entertaining, it's actually worth the 10 bucks, in my opinion, and you won't be sorry if you skip The Break-Up to go see The Da Vinci Code instead, because at least Tom Hanks and Audrey Tautou don't scream at each other for 2 straight hours.

Mission: Impossible III

2006-05-13T19:47:00.000-04:00

Mission: Impossible III

I'm going to bypass how annoyed I am that I'm going to miss all the season finales of shows that I watch and go straight into mocking Mission: Impossible III.

Forgetting the tiny problem of Tom Cruise being completely bonkers, this movie wasn't too bad. I actually found it hilarious to watch. It was entertaining, though I doubt in the way that J.J. Abrams planned it to be. Maybe it was the fact that I went with two people who found it just as stupid, or maybe it was the scene where Tom looks directly into the camera and says "Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall" (I kid you not), but I was somewhat enjoying myself through the entire film.That is, until I went home, sat down for a while, and realised there was no plot. That's right, NO. PLOT. Sure, there's some cars blowing up, and disguises etc, but the kidnapping of the wife, plus the whole "Rabbit's Foot" theft leads to nothing. I think Billy Crudup's character tries to explain why the bad guys are doing everything at one point, but it's a terrible explanation, and it's probably only one line of complete bullshit. Granted, I thought some bits were funny (including the scenes that were meant to be humourous), such as Johnathan Rhys-Meyers and Tom Crazy pretending to be Italian while in Vatican City... or some of the lines exchanged between Ving Rhames and Tom Crazy, even though they were very cliched.

So many parts of MI:III disturbed me though. One being the fact that the lead, Michelle Monaghan, looks very similar to Katie Holmes (Tom's indentured slave- I mean girlfriend). Another being the disgusting way Keri Russell's character dies. This movie was way too much of an ego trip for Tom Cruise, and it's not like anyone's going to believe that you're acting, buddy, you really are that crazy.

The *only* redeemable character in this movie was Benji, played by Simon Pegg, mainly because he didn't have a big enough part, which meant fewer bad puns/lines. And frankly, any character that Simon Pegg plays is awesome.

Well, I felt like my money was spent well due to the fact that a) I laughed my ass off, and b) I got to see Tom Cruise die for a little bit. But that's just me.

American Dreamz

2006-04-29T14:11:00.000-04:00

American Dreamz

I went to see American Dreamz last night with Jacqui after a yummy dinner at Spring Rolls.
I really don't know how to explain this movie... sure it's a comedy, I guess, but it's also kind of dark, and slightly doc-ish, due to the fact that Dennis Quaid basically plays a more likeable, smarter Bush. There are few redeemable features to "American Dreamz" but I'd say these are the best parts:- Dennis Quaid's performance, especially a scene near the end of the film where he gets feedback in the earpiece he's wearing- the Omer character and his family, as well as the sleeper cell guys ("They don't call me the Torturer because I don't like torturing people, you know?")- the surprisingly refreshing ending- Seth Meyers!!The rest of it was like watching a particularly annoying episode of American Idol, which is painful in itself. Mandy Moore was nauseating in it. The title song drove me crazy due to the fact that the line "dreamz with a zee" is repeated about six MILLION times (and us Canadians know it's zed). Chris Klein was boring, as usual, and Hugh Grant made me want to punch him in the face.This is definately not worth the 10 bucks to see in the theatre. If you desperately want to see it, WAIT. Wait until it's out on video. Or download it.

Oscars Predictions

2006-02-01T20:29:00.000-04:00

Some of these are just what I want to win, but most are what I think are going to win.

Best Picture
Brokeback Mountain
Capote
Crash
Good Night, and Good Luck
Munich

As much as I dislike this movie, I'm not stupid enough to think that the Academy isn't going to award it Best Picture. I seriously doubt any of the other films in the category have a good chance of winning.

Best Actor
Philip Seymour Hoffman, Capote
Terrence Howard, Hustle & Flow
Heath Ledger, Brokeback Mountain
Joaquin Phoenix, Walk the Line
David Strathairn, Good Night and Good Luck

Why didn't I pick Heath Ledger? Simple, I don't think he was that good. Philip Seymour Hoffman apparently did an amazingly creepy job of capturing Capote, so there isn't any reason to doubt why he wouldn't get it. Unless the Academy really wants to go for broke and give Brokeback Mountain all of the major awards.

Best Actress
Judi Dench, Mrs. Henderson Presents
Felicity Huffman, Transamerica
Keira Knightley, Pride and Prejudice
Charlize Theron, North Country
Reese Witherspoon, Walk the Line

Simple choice here. Judi Dench and Charlize Theron have already won an Oscar. Felicity Huffman is a TV actress on a ridiculously stupid show, and Keira Knightley just wasn't impressive enough. Plus, Reese Witherspoon has won every award already for her role as June Carter, so they may as well just give her this one too.

Best Supporting Actor
George Clooney, Syriana
Matt Dillon, Crash
Paul Giamatti, Cinderella Man
Jake Gyllenhaal, Brokeback Mountain
William Hurt, A History of Violence

Unlike Heath Ledger, I actually enjoyed Jake Gyllenhaal's performance in Brokeback Mountain. He at least was convincing. Though I don't understand why he's not up for Best Actor, he had just as big a part as Heath Ledger. Although he'll probably win, George Clooney could win as well, so it's a toss-up.

Best Supporting Actress
Amy Adams, Junebug
Catherine Keener, Capote
Frances McDormand, North Country
Rachel Weisz, The Constant Gardener
Michelle Williams, Brokeback Mountain

This is just so ridiculously absurd that I had to pick her. JEN from Dawson's Creek is up for an Oscar! Next thing you know, we'll all be playing ice hockey with Satan. I think Michelle Williams will win, because she did a great job, but I hope hope hope that Rachel Weisz wins instead.

Best Director
Ang Lee, Brokeback Mountain
Bennett Miller, Capote
Paul Haggis, Crash
George Clooney, Good Night and Good Luck
Steven Spielberg, Munich

They will not give Ang Lee another Oscar. I refuse to believe that he could win two Oscars for two extremely un-entertaining movies. I fell asleep during Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, and was very close to doing the same during Brokeback Mountain. Plus, the Academy enjoys giving awards to actors-turned-directors. Case in Point: Mel Gibson.

Best Foreign Film
Don't Tell, Italy
Joyeux Noel, France
Paradise Now, Palestine
Sophie Scholl - The Final Days, Germany
Tsotsi, South Africa

I guessed this one. The trailer is actually up at apple.com, so I figured, if it's that important to have a trailer on the Apple website, maybe it'll win. Plus, the title is cool.

Adapted Screenplay
Larry McMurtry and Diana Ossana, Brokeback Mountain
Dan Futterman, Capote
Jeffrey Caine, The Constant Gardener
Josh Olson, A History of Violence
Tony Kushner and Eric Roth, Munich

Again, a no brainer. God, it's no surprise this movie was full of scenes with absolutely no dialogue; the actual story is like 20 pages. And unlike The Snow Walker, the script writers didn't do a very good job with adapting the screenplay. Never the less, it'll still win, because it'll win Best Picture.

Original Screenplay
Paul Haggis and Bobby Moresco, Crash
George Clooney and Grant Heslov, Good Night and Good Luck
Woody Allen, Match Point
Noah Baumbach, The Squid and the Whale
Stephen Gaghan, Syriana

Can we get a "boo yah" for Canadian Paul Haggis?? I hope he'll win. Crash is a supposedly good movie. Everyone keeps telling me I should watch it, but I'm really not into those confusing there's-more-than-one-storyline movies. Call me simple, but I like movies that have one storyline. BUT, it's possible that George Clooney could get it. Booerns.

Animated Feature Film
Howl's Moving Castle
Tim Burton's Corpse Bride
Wallace & Gromit in the Curse of the Were-Rabbit

As much as I love the fact that Howl's Moving Castle was the old cell-animated style of animation, it was a really weird fucking movie. I never saw the Corpse Bride, but apparently it wasn't all that impressive. Wallace & Gromit is hilarious, and it's a great movie for everyone, so hopefully it will win.

Art Direction
Good Night and Good Luck
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
King Kong
Memoirs of a Geisha
Pride and Prejudice

I haven't seen either Memoirs of a Geisha or Good Night and Good Luck, so I'm really only choosing between Harry Potter, King Kong and Pride and Prejudice. I'd like Pride and Prejudice to win, but I have a horrible feeling that Memoirs of a Geisha will win.

Cinematography
Batman Begins
Brokeback Mountain
Good Night and Good Luck
Memoirs of a Geisha
The New World

I really disliked Brokeback Mountain, for everything, but they did a really good job with cinematography. I think the only thing that kept me awake was the cinematography. The sweeping shots of the wilderness as well as certain scenes in Utah, or wherever the hell the movie was set.

Sound Mixing
The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe
King Kong
Memoirs of a Geisha
Walk the Line
War of the Worlds

Possible awarded to Walk the Line because the Academy felt bad that they left it off the Best Picture roster.

Sound Editing
King Kong
Memoirs of a Geisha
War of the Worlds

Random choice. And the only one of the three that I've seen.

Original Score
Brokeback Mountain, Gustavo Santaolalla
The Constant Gardener, Alberto Iglesias
Memoirs of a Geisha, John Williams
Munich, John Williams
Pride and Prejudice, Dario Marianelli

I'm sorry, but if Brokeback Mountain wins for original score, I am going to punch someone in the face. Forgive me if I'm wrong, but I think there was a total of 8 notes on the entire soundtrack that were played repetitively. Pride and Prejudice should win for this. Not only is it beautiful, but it makes the film, which, in my opinion, is the whole point of this award. And is it just me, or is it unfair that John Williams is nominated twice in the same category?

Costume
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
Memoirs of a Geisha
Mrs. Henderson Presents
Pride and Prejudice
Walk the Line

I actually would like to see something like Pride and Prejudice or Mrs. Henderson Presents win for this, but neither of them will. The costumes weren't incredibly impressive in Pride and Prejudice. Walk the Line will most likely win, though there may be competition from Memoirs of a Geisha.

Documentary Feature
Darwin's Nightmare
Enron: The Smartest Guys in the Room
March of the Penguins
Murderball
Street Fight

You're kidding yourself if you think anything other than March of the Penguins is going to win. I would have loved to have seen Grizzly Man on here, since it's both controversial and amazingly-shot and put together.

Film Editing
Cinderella Man
The Constant Gardener
Crash
Munich
Walk the Line

Again, I'm just guessing here.

Makeup
The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe
Cinderella Man
Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith

The makeup crew from Chronicles of Narnia should definately win the award in this category, since they were able to create so many incredible-looking characters. And unlike Star Wars, they didn't look like humans in a shitload of makeup, they actually looked like real creatures.

Original Song
"In the Deep" from Crash
"It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp" from Hustle & Flow
"Travelin' Thru" from Transamerica

I mainly hope this will win so that the presenter has to say "pimp" again. Though it would be hilarious to see Dolly Parton up on the Oscar stage too. This year they're ripping the audience off though. There should be FIVE songs, not THREE. There has to be two more songs that could have been added... hell, take a song from Walk the Line or something... or "Wunderkind" from Chronicles of Narnia.

Visual Effects
The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe
King Kong
War of the Worlds

I really hope Chronicles of Narnia wins for this. It would be ridiculous if it didn't. I've actually seen all of the movies in this category, and the other two weren't particularly convincing with their visual effects. Sure, Kong was great in King Kong, but Aslan kicks Kong's ass in comparison.

Brokeback Mountain

2006-01-09T23:30:00.000-04:00

Brokeback Mountain

Ah, Brokeback Mountain. Why are you getting so much praise? Is it because you really are a great movie with an equally great story? No. Is it because the great acting overcomes the overall shittiness of the script? No. Is it because you're about a couple of gay cowboys during the 1960s, a story which hasn't been done yet? Most likely.

I don't want to overexaggerate, but this is one of the worst movies I have ever seen. None of the actors in this hackneyed piece of crap should have signed on to be in it. I have lost respect for both Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal for acting in this. My opinion of Michelle Williams, however, has improved, seeing as she was the only one who actually displayed any emotion or talent during the almost 3 hour marathon crapfest. Although, I do think Anne Hathaway did a good job with a role that was unlike anything she's done before. Kudos.

Firstly, Heath, man, when you're in a movie, there's something called pronounciation. You know how you do this? You open your GODDAMN MOUTH! I don't know about anyone else, but I couldn't understand a single word Heath Ledger was saying. Gone are the days of 10 Things I Hate About You, when you were a gorgey long-haired Australian who projected your lines. Instead, you've elected to adopt an accent completely unlike your own, and close your mouth, clench your jaw and make the audience guess at your lines. At least Jake Gyllenhaal was understandable! He should be getting the Best Actor nod, not you.

Secondly, this movie is supposed to be about "two cowboys who fall in love"... I saw nothing but their selfish need for sex. There was absolutely NO chemistry between the two characters (I won't go into the lack of chemistry between the two actors because, well, neither of them are gay, so of course there wouldn't be a lot of chemistry, but I digress...) and the only emotion displayed was when a) Jake Gyllenhaal got pissed because he discovered he wouldn't be getting any gay lovin' for a few months and b) Heath Ledger starts crying when he finds his disgusting slightly bloodied shirt in Jake Gyllenhaal's closet. The emotional outburst at the end was, in my opinion, completely out of the blue.

Don't bother with this. Unless you enjoy a slow-moving, long, slightly boring movie that features completely dislikeable characters, don't bother. It's not worth the money or the time, and I personally don't understand why it's garnering such great opinions.

The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe

2006-01-09T23:15:00.000-04:00

The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe

There is nothing to criticize when it comes to this movie. I know that's hard to accept, considering I love to butcher helpless films into submission, but it's the truth. I loved every minute and every aspect of this film. Other than the Lord of the Rings films, this is the best book-to-film adaptation I've ever seen.

The actors: With a movie like this, there is always the chance that one of the actors will overact and ruin the entire film, or every scene he or she is in. Every single actor or actress in this movie did an excellent job. All of the main characters are played by actors under the age of 20, the youngest being 11. Georgie Hensley, who plays Lucy, is both adorable and talented, and she does a brilliant job with what is basically the main role. It's hard to imagine that this is her first role, since she does such an amazing job. Skandar Keynes, who plays Edmund, is only 14, but he also does an excellent job, especially as the selfish sibling who rats out his brother and sisters to the White Witch for some turkish delight. Both of the older Penvensies, Susan and Peter, played by Anna Popplewell and William Moseley respectively, are excellent as well. Yeah yeah, I'm repeating myself, but they really are great for such young actors. No doubt, these kids will all be in tons of movies in the next few years.

Even the CGI characters were awesome. Apparently the crew spent half of the film's budget to create the lion Aslan. Good investment. Aslan looks more realistic than any other CGI character I've seen in any movie. And voiced by Liam Neeson, overall he's a very stunning visual effect (again, kudos to the kids for acting so well in the scenes with Aslan, considering there's really nothing there). All of the CGI characters were well-constructed, and the voices for each (including Rupert Everett and Michael Madsen) were chosen well. Major props go to the Weta Workshop people, who created all of the costumes and sets that weren't digitally created.
If you haven't seen it yet, you're missing out. This is one of the best movies I have ever seen, and I rarely give that distinction.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

2006-01-09T22:56:00.000-04:00

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

Being the longest book in the series, it was pretty clear that the script writers weren't going to include every single scene from the novel, unless they wanted the film to be 7 hours long. In my opinion, books rarely translate well to the big screen, with the exception of the Lord of the Rings series, mainly because they got rid of all the stupid singing, and the part with Tom Bombadil. But I digress...
Maybe I was predisposed to be disappointed since I didn't like the fourth book, but the Goblet of Fire movie just wasn't as visually stunning as the third movie. Mike Newell did an okay job, but he lacked the creativity that Alfonso Cuaron brought to the Prisoner of Azkaban. Granted, the effects were still great, but the scene with the dragon really didn't have to last that long. They could've shortened that scene and inserted the scene where Barty Crouch Junior explains how he escaped from Azkaban, because the characters are always asserting how impossible it is to escape, and the lack of explanation makes the viewer assume that escapes are commonplace.
The acting was a lot better, however. These kids are improving brilliantly, and are getting to be quite talented. But the film overall was a disappointment. Sure, there were the humourous bits, and the quintessential action scenes, but there was nothing overly unique about it. The fourth book was distinctly darker than the third, but the third movie ended up being darker in nature than the fourth one. Let's all hope the fifth movie doesn't disappoint.

Alexander

2005-11-27T18:04:00.000-04:00

Alexander

To sum it up... if you want to feel like you've lost 6 hours of your life, go see this movie. It's not that it's a terrible movie, it's just extremely long. At one point, the narrator (Anthony Hopkins) says "Alexander should have died in India.... but that was a myth" and I let out a HUGE "siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh" and Rachel and I laughed... we laughed maniacally for our brains had been turned into goo because the movie was so long. It's the sign of a bad film when you constantly check your watch to try and figure out how much longer it could possibly go on for. By the end, Rachel said "Okay Anthony Hopkins, just SHUT UP SO WE CAN GO HOME" hahahahahaa.
All in all it wasn't bad plot-wise. Though I guess you can't really screw the plot up since it's basically a Hollywood-ized biography of Alexander. The little things got to me though... like: graphically showing men stabbing horses and elephants, thank you, but I really don't want to see animals being shot... Hephaestion at the battle in India - got sliced in the femoral artery with an axe and DIDN'T DIE. Sure, ok, whatever, except he would have bled to death you idiots. What REALLY pissed me off about it was that it slightly glorified genocide and assimilation. When Alexander tells the Persians that their sons will be Greek-educated and be part of the Greek army, they're all like "Wheeeeeee! I'm SO excited for that! Praise Alexander!". Sorry, I don't believe that

Pride and Prejudice

2005-11-13T19:37:00.000-04:00

Pride and Prejudice

So I really seriously believed I would detest this movie, simply because I adore the 1995 miniseries, Colin Firth and I thought they had miscast pretty much everyone in this version. However, I left thinking it wasn't too bad and, upon further reflection, I realised it's pretty damn good (though obviously can't hold a candle to the BBC version).

The pros:

Donald Sutherland as Mr. Bennet: I don't know how this man does it. He's 70 years old and he still kicks ass. He made Mr. Bennet a lot wittier rather than simply long-suffering.

Brenda Blethyn as Mrs. Bennet: Brilliant. Absolutely fucking brilliant.

The cinematography: They chose absolutely beautiful locations to film. Although I wasn't a fan of how slummed-down they made Longbourn, they kept Pemberley very much how I pictured it.

Matthew MacFadyen: Yes, yes, he's no Colin Firth, that's for sure, but he still did a good job. I didn't think he was too handsome at first, but he really does grow on you, especially since he doesn't give up on Elizabeth even after she pretty much bitches him out for things he didn't do. There were certain moments between him and Elizabeth that I just loved too, such as when he gives her a hand up to her carriage after she stays at Netherfield with Jane, and when he walks away, he flexes his hand a bit. I don't know why I love that scene so much, I just do. It's very simple, but it conveys a lot. The scene where he goes to the Collins' house to see Elizabeth (and in my opinion, to propose) is great too, because it still retained the character's anxiety that Colin Firth did so well in the BBC version. I have to say, by the end, I thought Matthew MacFadyen was pretty hot, but that's probably due to the fact that I LOVE the character of Mr. Darcy, so it wouldn't matter who the hell played him as long as they did it relatively well. He also did an excellent job with the heated stares that Colin Firth did in the miniseries. No woman can resist a heated stare from Mr. Darcy (don't believe me? watch the miniseries/this movie)

The Chemistry: Even though Ms. Keira disappointed me (see cons), I have to say that the two leads had some amazing chemistry. Even in the beginning, when she's supposed to hate him, you can still sense the underlying attraction between them.

The fact that it's 2 hours long instead of 6: This is important. I have actually sat down and watched all 6 hours of the BBC miniseries in one day. It's definately still the best adaptation, but, with this film, you don't have to commit to all 6 hours in order to get the gist of the story. They had all of the important moments and it was still enjoyable. Granted, the passage of time wasn't as apparent as it is in the miniseries, but they do a pretty good job of trying to convey it in certain scenes.

Not enough Wickham: Don't get me wrong, I hate his character, but there were too few scenes with him. You can't judge his character within the two main scenes that he's in. You don't even get the feeling that he "hates" Mr. Darcy as he's supposed to (though you definately feel the hatred from Mr. Darcy). Plus, he looked like Orlando Bloom's ugly cousin... and that's not a compliment.

Improvement with Jane Bennet: No offense to Susannah Harker, but you are not, as Mrs. Bennet says, the beauty of the family. In the words of Alanna, she looks like a dinosaur. Jane is supposed to be the most beautiful of all the Bennet's daughters, but Elizabeth was definately the prettiest in the miniseries. I think they improved on that with this film. Rosamund Pike is noticeably prettier than Susannah Harker and, in my opinion, prettier than Keira Knightley, though that may be because I'm just sick of Keira Knightley's face plastered everywhere.

The cons:

WHAT DID YOU DO TO MR. BINGLEY????????: *ahem* Seriously. What. Did. You. Do. Mr. Bingley is not a tongue-tied mentally deficient moron with exploded hair and bulging eyes. I can understand the stammering. He's so in love with Jane that he can't control his speech, etc etc. But really... give him so pomade for god's sake! He honestly comes across as someone who can't think for himself, and only FINALLY proposes to Jane because Darcy told him to.

Keira Knightley: I'm sorry my dear, but frankly, you sucked. Okay, sucked is maybe too harsh a term, but you certainly didn't win me over. I don't know what it was... maybe it's just because I've gotten so used to seeing Jennifer Ehle as Elizabeth Bennet that I just can't possibly accept anyone else playing her. But I don't think that's it. I think it's because you sucked.

The fact that she was in every scene: See above. If I thought she sucked, the fact that she's in almost every scene didn't do all that much to try and persuade me otherwise. They should have included the scene where Darcy goes and finds Wickham and Lydia and forces them to marry. Colin Firth did that bit SO well. Angry Mr. Darcy was so awesome.

Costumes: Not a very big negative. They were still good, but just not as good as they were in the '95 version.

The fact that it's only 2 hours: Yeah yeah, this was in the pros, so sue me. There are so many small scenes in the 1995 version that I've gotten attached to that weren't in this movie, and that really disappointed me. Such as the scene where Mr. Darcy gets all fussy about his clothing before he goes to meet with Elizabeth because he's planning to propose again (at least that's what I believe), or even the scene just after he proposes for the first time and both characters reflect on what they said to each other.

Lydia Bennet: Lydia is supposed to be British... not fake American-British. Why they decided to use Jena Malone as Lydia Bennet is beyond me. They did a great job at getting newcomers for Mary and Kitty (Talulah Riley and Carey Mulligan), so why the hell did they use her??

Charlotte Lucas: Speaking of miscasting. God. Charlotte may not be the pick of the batch, but my GOD.

SAY SOMETHING OTHER THAN "well then": I don't know why this part bugs me as much as it does. One of the last scenes has Mr. Darcy basically re-professing his love for Elizabeth (absolutely beautifully shot). Anyone who's seen the miniseries or has read the book knows which scene I mean. Poor Mr. Darcy pours his heart out in a very romantic fashion, telling her that she's "bewitched him body and soul" and that he loves her... and all she can say is "well then". WELL THEN. Forgive me, but if I had someone as hot as Matthew MacFadyen tell he wanted to be with me forever: I think I'd say more than "well then".

One thing I'm not sure about is how I feel about how they portrayed Mr. Collins. He was a bit more likeable in this version, but he's more of a boob in the BBC version, which is more fun. He's also more smarmy in the '95 version.
So overall, I think it's worth going to see. I'll probably end up going to see it again, and will most likely buy it when it comes out on DVD. And if you don't go see it, Mr. Darcy will frown at you:

Serenity

2005-11-02T20:34:00.000-04:00

Serenity

I was finally able to finagle a couple of people to go see this with me over Thanksgiving. I went to see it without having seen any episodes of "Firefly", but I still really enjoyed it. Apparently Orson Scott Card, the author of the Ender's Game book series, said that this was the best science fiction movie ever made. I'm not sure I'd go that far, since I'm a huge fan of the Star Wars films, but Serenity comes pretty damn close. It's got everything: action, comedy, drama, romance, AND cannibals! Now who would pass that up? It's apparently coming out on DVD and video (does anything come out on VHS anymore?) sometime in December, and I would recommend people to see it... but watch "Firefly" first. You get the background of the characters and it makes the movie that much more understandable.
Iis a GREAT movie. It made me like Jayne, Simon and River all that much more. It's a great "season finale" to the series that, in my opinion, shouldn't have been cancelled in the first place.

Domino

2005-11-02T17:45:00.000-04:00

Domino

Another great movie. Tony Scott did a great job in creating a film that is both visually stimulating and just generally entertaining. Although I'm sure I'll be bitching about her job in the upcoming P&P adaptation, Keira Knightley is excellent in this. It was refreshing to see her play a tough bitch for once. Mickey Rourke is great as her boss and Edgar Ramirez is also perfect as Choco, who's described as "psychotic" more than once. Again, this is one of those movies that touches every genre: it's very stylized, very funny, dramatic, action-packed and very sad. I would recommend seeing it on the big screen if you are planning to go see it, which you really should. I didn't think I was going to like it all that much when I saw the previews, simply because I'm not a huge fan of Keira Knightley... but I'm still recovering from just how good it was.

Haikus as Reviews

2005-07-14T04:11:00.000-04:00

Alright, I've decided to finally write reviews for the movies I've seen recently. BUT to save you all the work and pain associated with reading long reviews filled with sarcasm and assumed rolling eyes and ranting, I'm going to attempt to write haikus for all of them:

Howl's Moving Castle:
Big walking castle
Flying man and stupid girl,
Crazy anime.

Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants:
Four teenage girl friends
Four different crisis scenes
One shitty crap fest.

Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith:
The last of six films
With Obi-Wan, Darth et. al.
Lucas still rocks on.

Mr & Mrs Smith:
Jolie and Pitt star
Humour, sex, guns and explosions
Funny, but too bloody.

Batman Begins:
Christian Bale is hot
Caped crusader fights baddies
Best Batman since Keaton.

Fantastic Four:
Crazy cloud morphs five
Four good, one evil, of course
Formula, but fun.

And there you go.

Mindhunters

2005-05-17T21:14:00.000-04:00

Mindhunters

This movie was probably one of the worst I've ever seen, including The Base 2 and any movie starring Dolph Lundgreen. It stars two washed-up actors (Val Kilmer and Christian Slater), two actors who are still vaguely great at acting (LL Cool J and Jonny Lee Miller... I'm stretching in LL's case obviously), one actress who continues to piss the hell out of me (Kathryn Morris, the annoying woman in Cold Case, the rip-off of the Canadian show Cold Squad) and the actress who played Imhotep's mistress in The Mummy, I forget her name, but this was obviously a step down for her career-wise. Oh, and some other guys who really don't matter much, since they both get whacked.
I still can't believe this movie was released in theatres. It honestly seems like something that would go straight to video, then sit on the shelves until someone utterly bored out of their mind would pick it up. Not only that, but they take the title of John Douglas' first book, add an 's', then don't give him credit. They also refer to "UNSUB" and "VICAP" without explaining what each of them are, which leaves those who haven't read anything on criminal profiling or criminal justice in the dark as to what they are. There are some killer lines in it as well, such as "Iny, miny, mino, mo. Who's the next motherfucker to go?" and "Now we know his weakness: bullets"... granted all these gems are from LL Cool J, but there are numerous others. The ending is pretty predictable. So although it was slightly scary seeing as the "profilers" are stuck on an isolated island in a creepy rundown building and they're being killed in gross and disgusting ways one by one until it's just the killer and the one who was told wouldn't "make profiler", it's really not worth seeing. It's not even worth the time to download.

Kingdom of Heaven

2005-05-13T02:37:00.000-04:00

Kingdom of Heaven

I don't want to spend a lot of time on this review mainly because there isn't a lot to say about this movie. It reeked of trying to regain some of the success that came from Gladiator. And let me tell you, Orlando Bloom ain't Russell Crowe. Sure he's beautiful, but he really shouldn't be allowed to try and make inspirational speeches. The end scene in which Saladdin's army lays a siege on Jerusalem (held by the Christians, and gee golly gosh, Orlando Bloom too) is a blatant rip-off of the climactic battle scene in Return of the King. I mean honestly! I am not joking. If you go see this movie (which I recommend you don't, but it's your money), you'll see what I mean. The only stellar bits in this movie are the scenes with Liam Neeson, though god knows those don't last long enough, David Thewlis, who is quickly becoming a favourite of mine, and Jeremy Irons, who kicks ass in any movie he's in, including the stinker Dungeons and Dragons. The female lead, Eva Green, is alright. She's not the greatest actress, but she's very pretty, so she compliments Orlando quite nicely. Did anyone else notice that three of the actors in that movie were also in Timeline?? No? just me? Not surprised. I was seriously disappointed by the movie. It was lacking in everything: plot, character development, character in general, action, drama, everything. The only reason why I would call the experience of seeing it enjoyable was the fact that it was so easily mocked. And mock it we did.

Sahara

2005-04-20T22:59:00.000-04:00

Sahara

Summary: Matthew McConaughey swimming, Matthew McConaughey beating the crap out of some dudes, Penelope Cruz pouting, Steve Zahn cracking jokes and losing hats, Matthew McConaughey blowing up crap.......
I hate to be a downer AGAIN, so I will try and point out the good parts of the movie:
Steve Zahn - everything and anything he says. He is not only attractive, he is freaking hilarious too
The iron ship thingy they are searching for
The town they visit in the desert - it's all adobe style, pretty sweet
Ummm.... the bad guy in it, he was pretty cool
The banter between Steven Zahn and Matthew McConaughey (aka Al Giordino and Dirk Pitt)
William H. Macy playing Admiral Sandecker
Ok, I ran out of stuff... and now the bad points:
Matthew McConaughey playing Dirk Pitt
Matthew McConaughey cracking jokes as Dirk Pitt
Matthew McConaughey
Penelope Cruz
Matthew McConaughey using a plane as a windsurfer
The ridiculous idea that an iron ship could make it's way to a river in Africa
The severe lack of Al kicking butt
The severe lack of Delroy Lindo
The severe lack of William H. Macy
I gotta cut this review short since I'm getting more and more inebriated as the night progresses... It's not a BAD movie per say, it's just not what I pictured a Clive Cussler book-to-movie film to be like. I did NOT picture Matthew McConaughey as Dirk Pitt. I did not like the fact that he played Dirk Pitt as a pretty happy guy, considering Pitt is a pretty tortured individual who flits from girl to girl (like Bond) after the woman he loves dies in the first book. They're fun books to read... they did an alright job of transferring the action to the big screen, I just think it could have been a LOT better. And apparently Clive Cussler feels the same way considering he's sueing the filmmakers. HA TAKE THAT!

Sin City

2005-04-10T15:38:00.000-04:00

Sin City

The trailers for this movie were amazing, and, contrary to what Katie says, I thought the movie lived up to them, even though they never used Cells in the actual movie.
Marv's storyline is the first of the three and it revolves around an ex-con named, obviously, Marv. Mickey Rourke does an awesome job of playing the odd-looking tough guy. The humourous lines he delivers are great too: "I know eating people is pretty weird". His story was probably my favourite, though I'm never going to look at Elijah Wood the same ever again. Creepy.
Clive Owen's story is the second one and I was really glad that Brittany Murphy didn't play a huge part in it. She really annoys me. Clive Owen plays Dwight, who's occupation isn't really stated, though it's clear it's a really legal profession. He hangs with some whores (Rosario Dawson, Devon Aoki, Alexis Bledel) and they accidentally kill a cop (Benecio del Toro). I think this is probably the most violent storyline, considering the way del Toro is treated. But there are also some funny bits in it, ie when one of Manute's henchmen is shot straight-through with what looks like a harpoon, but says "uh, guys? should I go to a doctor or something? hello?". Plus, it just rocks that Tommy Flanagan was in it as Brian, an Irish mercenary.
Bruce Willis' story was the last one, but I didn't enjoy it as much. Hartigan is a great character, but the love story between him and Jessica Alba (Nancy) was slightly disturbing, considering Hartigan is supposed to be around 60 and Nancy is all of 19 years old. SHUDDER. Nick Stahl was creepy and gross as Yellow Bastard, but I thought he did a great job, considering the amount of prosthetic and makeup he must have had to wear.
The music absolutely rocked in it, too. I think they put together a stellar cast, and had the storylines connect in a subtle, yet extremely creative way. Excellent movie. I think it's going to be one of those cult flicks. Hopefully it'll get people into the world of graphic novels.

Bride and Prejudice (+ Keira Knightley-induced rant)

2005-03-12T22:07:00.000-04:00

Bride and Prejudice

Being the ultimate fan of Jane Austen's "Pride and Prejudice" and having a soft spot for Bollywood, I figured I'd go see it. Good idea on my part. Even though I could call every. single. plot. twist. it was still funny. I loved the fact that Martin Henderson kept throwing Aishwarya Rai numerous "tortured love" looks, patented by Colin Firth in the BBC version of P&P. I think that Chadha could have been a bit more original with the names though, considering she kept both Will Darcy and Wickham... though she did a great job with Kholi (instead of Collins). LOVED the fact that Naveen Andrews was in it. I mean, really, we love him already as Sayid, but having him as the Indian equivalent of Charles Bingley is just plain awesome. There are so many great things about this movie... I can't wait for it to come out (in North America) on video.

Speaking of P&P, I forgot that someone has DARED to make a movie based on the novel.... starring Keira Knightly as Lizzie. *long, long, long pause..... punctuated by scream of frustration*. Keira. Knightley. No. Just No. There is no effing way that Keira Knightley is going to do a good job on this. And the man stepping into the shoes that only one man can fill? Matthew MacFadyen (no relation to Andrew MacFadyen mind you). He has been in nothing. Seriously, I'm not joking. The only major work out of his resume that I even recognise is MI-5, that stupid secret agent show in Britain. AH! AH GOD!!!!! JENA MALONE AS LYDIA?? ARE THEY ABSOLUTELY CRACKERS?? *deep breath*. Oh man, I can just see it now "Pride Remake flops at Box Office: WTF were they thinking? say Ebert and Roeper". Aw crap. Who am I kidding? I'll go see it when it comes out... but I doubt I'll enjoy it. I'll have to go see it myself in order to stop myself from bitching about how shit it is to other people.

Closer

2004-12-13T00:44:00.000-04:00

Closer

I don't know exactly what the director was thinking when he made this movie. Perhaps he was in the middle of a horrible divorce and figured, hey if I'm miserable, I might as well make everyone who watches this movie miserable too! Or maybe he's just this loveless little manic depressive freak who thinks that love doesn't exist.
Whatever the case may be, this was a horribly depressing movie. I guess he figured that if he put four beautiful people in it, then that would override the fact that you really just want to cry or kill yourself by the end. All of the characters were lying, cheating snakes without morals or values and the plot, honestly, felt like it went full-circle without getting to any sort of point other than if you fall in love, you will get kicked in the face for it because love doesn't exist. I mean, how can you watch a movie where you just don't care about any of the characters? I know I can't. And the really depressing thing about the movie was knowing I paid $8 to see it and not enjoy it!
I do have to say that I really enjoy Clive Owen. He is an incredible actor. Seeing him in this movie just made me like him even more, because I've seen him as a good guy, but he was sort of two-faced in this film. Natalie Portman did a great job too. She played the most likeable character in the movie, though that's not saying much.
Just... don't see this movie. Or at least don't repeat my mistake and pay to see it in the theatre. Either download it or wait till it comes out on video. And make sure you eat chocolate, or ice cream after you watch it... or watch Closer and then Monty Python or something... otherwise you might just... cry.

The Mouse That Roared

2004-11-20T19:28:00.000-04:00

The Mouse That Roared

Watch this movie. Honestly, it's one of Peter Sellers' best, in my opinion. He plays three different characters, one of which is a woman. The plot is incredibly funny, as a small non-existent European country (The Duchy of Fenwick) is going bankrupt and decides to invade the United States, then surrender in order to get war reparations. Everything goes according to plan, until the army (consisting of 20 men dressed in ancient chainmail with bows and arrows) arrives in New York and finds no one to surrender to. It's a great movie and Sellers is amazing as: The Duchess of Fenwick, The Prime Minister AND the General of the army. One of the things that got me was the sign at the guard post on the border of Fenwick: "If guard is not on duty, go right in". I was laughing through the entire film. Though, I think Sellers' movies are a slightly more subtle humour than most comedies today. Anyone who's seen "The Party" will agree with me (and if you haven't seen it, rent that too... have a Peter Sellers night).

Saw

2004-11-05T16:45:00.000-04:00

Saw

Those of you who don't like horror movies, STAY AWAY FROM THIS ONE... FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!
To tell you the truth, it wasn't the gore that scared me... it was the dummy. I don't know if you guys have seen him in the commercials, but fuckin A, he is the creepiest thing in the entire world. I can handle gore, obviously, considering the kinds of books I read... but guys kidnapped people and then putting them into situations where they kill themselves is just too frightening for me. One of the things I HATED about this film was the fact that some idiot out there could get the idea and try to make it work. There are some seriously fucked up people out there and I'm willing to bet someone will try it.
The acting, obviously, was terrible. Poor Cary Elwes, I thought you were better than that. VERY good twist at the end though. I think it was worth it just for the ending actually. Honestly though, there were parts that I couldn't watch, I had my hand over my eyes. If you go see it because you've been forced to, cover your eyes when a) Cary Elwes is using the phone in the parking lot and you can see a guy creeping up next to his car and b) when Alan is wandering around his pitch-black apartment, using his camera flash as a light, and he starts to open the door with the dart board on it... DO NOT WATCH DURING THOSE SCENES. I didn't... and I'm pretty sure I saved myself another two nights of little sleep.

Team America: World Police

2004-11-05T16:25:00.000-04:00

Team America: World Police

I dunno if any of you guys have seen it, but it is so funny. You have to sort of be a South Park fan to get some of the jokes, or find some of them funny, but having an ENTIRE movie played by marionettes is just to good to pass up. It's so hard to describe it without giving stuff away, so I'm just going to ruin it for you if you haven't seen it. So... if you don't want it ruined, don't read the rest of this...
Considering the movie starts out with Team America blowing up every historic and recognizable site in Paris, I knew it had to be funny. And the song that comes on at least five times during the film goes "America... FUCK YEAH" etc etc... I was holding my sides through the entire movie. After a while, you kind of forget that it's marionettes... creepy. My favourite character though was definately Kim Jong Il with his "hewrooooooo" and "I'm so ronrey, oh so ronrey...".
Anyway, go see it if you haven't yet... there are parts where you're so shocked that they did stuff, or said stuff, and there's parts where you just can't stop laughing.

Shaun of the Dead

2004-09-21T00:15:00.000-04:00

Shaun of the Dead

When you look at a poster for Shaun of the Dead, you see the tagline "A Romantic Comedy. With Zombies." That pretty much sums it up right there for you. It honestly is one of the funniest movies I have seen in a long, long time and that is saying a LOT coming from me.
It begins, in a typically British way, in a pub, where Shaun's girlfriend is complaining about all they ever do is sit in the pub and they never get to do anything really exciting. Well dear, that is all about to change. We then get some footage of how completely and utterly mundane Shaun's life is before the plot really begins to thicken. One of the best lines in the preview for this movie is "There is no 'I' in team, but there is an I in pie... um, meat pie, er, meat is an anagram for team, I dunno".
Shaun's undeniably great sidekick is Ed, a slob who he's known since pre-school. Not only does he spout hilarious lines, but there are actually some pretty emotional scenes between the two of them.
Even though the movie is advertised as a comedy, there are some incredibly disgusting scenes, one of which I actually had to look away from in order to keep my dinner in me. There are also some touching moments and the end of the film is actually rather sad.
Anyway, when it DOES come out in theatres, I plan to see it again. It is not only a freakin side-splitter of a comedy, it is actually well-acted. My only conclusion is GO SEE IT. September 24th, mark your calendars or zombies will come and eat your brains ("don't say that!"... "what?"... "the z-word!")

The Village

2004-08-09T18:23:00.000-04:00

The Village

Even the previews to this movie were complete shit. I mean, if I go to a movie and the movie turns out to be horribly horribly crap, then at least I've seen previews for movies that look good (though obviously I feel quite ripped-off by the theatre for paying 14 bloody dollars to watch 20 mins of previews). But I digress...
I was excited that Joaquin Phoenix was in it, simply because he's a pretty good actor. Not bad to look at either. I also realised that M. Night Shymalan (I'm going to refer to him as M-Dog from now on cause his last name is too goddam hard to spell) er, what was I saying before I so rudely interrupted myself?? Oh, M-Dog has a pattern with actors. The Village is his fourth big movie and he's only really used two actors for his main characters: Bruce Willis (the disappointing Sixth Sense, and er... some other one that looked retarded, it had Samuel L. Jackson in it *Shaft! you damn right...*) and Joaquin Phoenix (Signs and The Village). M-Dog also likes to put himself into his films (just like Hitchcock! he must be similarly gifted!!! not) which is slightly annoying because you spend the entire film going "is that him?? no wait, is *that* him??" which is useless since he makes it pretty damn obvious when he makes a cameo.
The Village is all about a town basically in the middle of bumfuck nowhere U.S.A. (go through the field, take a left at the cows). It's the end of the 19th century and, of course, they're living in a harmonius commune... except for that little carnivourous creature problem. The town has this... understanding with these freakish beings that live in the woods: (to quote William Hurt) they don't go into the woods and the creatures don't go into the town. Oh, if it were only that easy. Why, oh why, must you ruin their hippie valley M-Dog? Have you no shame??
The main shit-disturber?? You guessed it. Joaquin Phoenix, acting both stupidly brave and laughibly cowardly all at once, steps into the woods and, whoops, one of the creatures sees him. Crazy shit starts to happen and then there's a huge twist (I'd call it a hole, but whatever...) occurs in the script. I won't give it away in case you actually DO want to go see it... I'd recommend just downloading it though.
You know, after letting it sink in, I realised it *is* kind of a creepy movie, but just because of the music and the sound effects. There's a scene where the town gets together to celebrate a wedding that's particularly creepy because they keep hearing sounds in the woods (ie twigs breaking, howls, equally scary noises). The creatures' appearances are revealed too early in the film, but the first sight is pretty freaky.
Actually, you know what? Go see it. It's worth seeing in the threatre. I keep going over scenes in my head and, yeah, it's good... I mean, it's not as scary as The Ring, but I've realised that M-Dog's movies aren't about making you an insomniac for 3 nights straight, but too be just slightly freaked out. And the twist in this is pretty good.

Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle

2004-08-05T12:45:00.000-04:00

Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle

Ah hahaha.. no really.. don't pay full price for it anyway. But go see it, it's actually surprisingly funny. I was going to try and convince Jacqui to go see The Village, but we ended up seeing this instead. It's *so* refreshing, finally, to see a movie with non-caucasian males as the main characters. Both guys do an amazing job of keeping you entertained through their insanity.
Of course, it's the typical odd couple where one guy (Harold) is the straight man, hard worker type and the other (Kumar) is the partyer with no ambition even though he has the smarts. Being Asian and Indian respectively, they get a lot of shit from jerks who eventually get their come-uppance (if that's a word). It starts out with the two guys getting stoned and seeing a commercial for White Castle, a fast-food restaurant. So, obviously, they take the trek to New Brunswick. So they find the White Castle in New Brunswick is gone, but there is one relatively close by. Of course, nothing is *that* easy in the movies, so they run into a bunch of trouble including: a hippie with a huge bag of pot, a rascist cop, a horny Neil Patrick Harris (who promptly steals Harold's car), a guy covered in boils called Freakshow and an escaped cheetah. Okay, so it might not sound like the greatest movie, but it is worth seeing. There are a bunch of cameos by known actors (not great actors, but I recognised them from somewhere...) and the two main actors are hilarious.

The Bourne Supremacy

2004-08-05T12:23:00.000-04:00

The Bourne Supremacy

Maybe it was just the fact that I had just come off work and had a mega-migraine, but I thought The Bourne Supremacy was absolute crap compared to The Bourne Identity. But I didn't think particularly highly of that film either, so it's not saying much.
I got really sick of seeing Matt Damon look: 1- incredibly confused during the entire movie and 2- really smug whenever he escaped the "bad guys". And he whined throughout the film about how the bad guys killed his girlfriend. Oh shut up. In the original book by Robert Ludlum, both his wife and his child are killed and he doesn't even remember, let alone grieve for a full MOVIE. So basically the movie is about Bourne (not his real name, duh, as those who have read The Bourne Identity know) going on a bloody vendetta in order to avenge his girlfriend's gruesome, yet predictable, death. The camera work in certain parts was really awful, especially to someone who's got a headache and is really, really tired. I kept rubbing my eyes and trying to figure out why the cameraman had turned into a manic squirrel.
The only good part about the film was, obviously, Karl Urban's character Kirill. He's a hired assassin, so of course he's awesome. From the very beginning you know he's evil cause he has a Russian accent... and he kills two guys and frames Bourne for it. But that's beside the point. Matt Damon got *so* annoying that I was secretly hoping Kirill would finally end my pain and put a final bullet in the amnesiac's head. But alas, my wishes were not fulfilled, since Bourne pulls an impossible stunt and they get into a car crash in a tunnel in... er... somewhere exotic... perhaps it was Berlin... anyways, so the camera, uncharacteristically still, pans in on Kirill's bloody face. BUT you can still see him breathing, so I'm hoping that they bring that character back when they inevitably make The Bourne Ultimadum into a movie... if only so I have someone to look at and cheer for while Matt Damon bumbles around again.

King Arthur (old review)

2004-07-28T16:35:00.000-04:00

King Arthur

Saw King Arthur last night with Shel.

For the first twenty minutes or so, I didn't find much about it that I liked. I thought the focus on Lancelot at the beginning was extremely unnecessary, since the movie is called King ARTHUR. Sheesh. I also *hated* the fact that they passed Merlin off as an evil magician who fought Arthur and his knights (though this is probably due to the fact that I've been reading Mary Stewart's Crystal Cave series...) The only aspects of the film that I enjoyed in the first half an hour were the cinematography and the music.
It picked up after the knights go out on their "deadly" mission to rescue some stupid Roman kid, who, once he's back behind Hadrian's Wall, promptly disappears from the script (though he manages, in his short screen time, to mention to Arthur that his mentor was murdered *whoops*). Guinevere's discovered during this rescue mission and, *gasp*, turns out she's a... er... one of Merlin's henchmen, er, women, er, people... yeah, one of Merlin's henchpeople, meaning she can shoot a wicked bow and arrow and she wears crappy body paint that makes her look like some kind of native art. But I digress... by the end, I was sitting there going "okaaay... music good, Clive Owen good, sexual tension good, Arthur's knights good... " etc etc.
Speaking of Arthur's knights... Holy Mother of God and All Creation, were they good-lookin'. Of course, they kill off one of my favourites, the bastards, Tristan (ie, the one with the eagle and that Arthur is always telling to "Ride ahead"). He was KICK ASS. Kind of attractive, talented, smart, mysterious... *sigh*. Course, Hugh Dancy as Galahad totally rocked too. He was just enough innocence to pass off being "Galahad the Chaste". Gawain was also hot. I realised where I recognise that actor from too. He's the unfortunate young "Uncle Owen" in the latest travesty known as "Star Wars Episode Two: Attack of the Clones". He looks better with long dreadlocks. Lancelot is a story of his own. NOT hot. Sorry chiquitas, but his hair reminded me of one of the wigs on some Muppets character. Plus, he was too broody and he argued with Arthur a lot... and it pissed me off that the movie started with him... stupid. AND he's a total PERV, looking in on Guinevere when she was washing... sicko. Ioan Gruffald, my ass. Give me Star Wars dude *anytime*. wink wink.
So, all in all, it's a pretty good film. But Keira Knightley was really shafted with the part of Guinevere... though she *did* get to have a hot make-out scene with Clive Owen... *stares into space thoughtfully* It wasn't *really* what I expected it to be, which is good, because it exceeded my expectations. Go see it. GO SEE IT NOW.

The Notebook (old review)

2004-06-28T19:27:00.000-04:00

The Notebook

Went to see The Notebook yesterday with Shel and here is what I think of it:

It starts out kind of crappy, since the beginning credits seem to take forever and the ducks seem quite computer-generated. Even the sunset looks kind of fake. And then it goes into the conventional voice-over of an old guy who claims he's "nothing special", when it's clear by the end of the movie that he is (or at least that's what you're supposed to think).

Anyway, then it goes back in time to go over this couple's summer romance. It's the typical "he's a poor country boy and she's a rich city girl". It's very sappy, but I couldn't help but feel that most of their conversations, even if just at the beginning, seemed realistic. There's a conversation between the two of them (Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams) on the street and both of them seem really nervous.
Then, of course, her parents bascially forbid them to see each other because he's "trash, trash, trash!!" and they blubber away. Then she goes home and, seven years later, *gasp*, gets engaged to someone who ISN'T RYAN GOSLING! that tramp. Meanwhile, he's joined the army and fought in the war, where he loses his best friend right in front of his eyes (though they don't bother to go into the certain emotional trauma he would have experienced because of this). He goes home and decides to rebuild a house in a vain attempt to draw Rachel McAdams back to him (must be the constant drinking that makes him think this). But, wait a second!, who's that in the driveway?? oh, how utterly cliche.
I don't care. I still loved it. It was predictable, sappy and most people in the theatre were bawling by the end of it. It's worth going to see simply for Ryan Gosling...

I was impressed by both Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams' acting. I already knew he was a good actor, but I was surprised by her, since the only movie I had seen her in was Mean Girls, which isn't exactly the most intellectually challenging movie.

I enjoyed it, even though the ending was incredibly stupid, simply because it was a chick flick, and every so often, you need a great chick flick to reassure you that you're not going to be alone forever and that you *can* get Ryan Gosling if you try hard enough... bwa hahaha

The Day After Tomorrow (old review)

2004-06-02T14:56:00.000-04:00

The Day After Tomorrow

Saw The Day After Tomorrow last night... it was pretty good actually. It was everything I expected it to be and the animation was really good. Plus, you can't help but love a director that destroys American National landmarks not once, not twice, but THREE times. That's right, this director made Independence Day, which blew up the White House. He also made Godzilla, which, again, destroyed New York city in numerous ways.
Here's the breakdown for you:
It starts with a little wind, then progresses to a whole lot of tornados, climaxes with a few big hurricanes and ends with a disgusting amount of cheese.
It's a cool movie though, I'd recommend it to anyone who needs something to do on a rainy day.

Troy (old review)

2004-05-17T17:07:00.000-04:00

Troy

Yeah, went to see Troy on Saturday afternoon with Jacq, Jeffrey, Lauren and Shel. I have to say that it wasn't *that* bad for the kind of movie it is. For those of us who have read The Iliad, it was rather inaccurate.
Here are the pros and cons:

Pros:

Amazing CGI

Detailed costumes and scenery

Peter O'Toole rocks as Priam and Eric Bana is an excellent Hector

Nice man candy in Eric Bana, Sean Bean and Orlando Bloom (and please don't try to convince me that Brad Pitt belongs here too.. I am not a fan and Troy just reinforced that)

There is a cool little allusion to Virgil's Aeneid near the end... if you've read it, you'll know what I mean

Cons:

Not even freakin filmed in Greece, they cheaped out and filmed in Mexico (jaysus, even Gladiator shot inside the Colisseum)

Speaking of Gladiator, there were many aspects of Troy that ripped off the fine Oscar-winning film... so much so that Jeff kept whispering "Roman Victor!!!"

Dear Wolfgang, the Trojan war lasted 10 years according to The Iliad, not 17 DAYS... idiot

Dear Wolfgang, don't try to redeem Achilles at the end by throwing in a pointless romance... sheesh... besides, rumour has it that Achilles and his cousin Patroclus were lovers *gasp*

I know that sounds like a LOT of complaining, but I usually hate movies that are based on books... at least, movies that are based on legends. I mean, come on, if they're historical texts that you read in school, or are in Mr. Leitch's infamous "canon", then you shouldn't fuck with it too much. My BIGGEST complaint with Troy was the time thing... Petersen could have snuck in somewhere that the war was longer than Brad Pitt's interest in some temple chick. Even if there was a small note between two scenes saying "9 Years of War and Troy still did not fall" or SOMETHING...
Anyhoo, yeah, well, I WOULD recommend this movie just for the entertainment value... and the eye candy (bwa hahaha)...