Quantum of Solace trailer

Indiana Jones teaser trailer

Does anyone else wish it was May 22nd right now? From the first beats of the theme music, I swear I got tingles. I'm sure it'll be kind of lame, and Shea LaBeouf is kind of a douchenozzle, but I'll still go see it in the theatres. Harrison Ford doing his own stunts still, and wearing his awesome fedora, AND the reappearance of Marion from Raiders is just too good to pass up.

27 Dresses

I went to see 27 Dresses last night. Yep, the romantic comedy starring that bitch from Grey's Autopsy and the hotness that is James Marsden.

The story is ridiculously predictable, as Skank Cancer plays Jane, a woman who's been a bridesmaid 27 times over. She's organised, reliable and, surprise!, in love with her boss (Ed Burns), who turns around and falls for her sister, Tess (Malin Akerman). Predictably, it falls to Jane to plan the wedding, all the while being harassed by Kevin (James Marsden), a journalist who wishes to break out of the wedding section and write real stories. Predictably, Jane and Kevin hook up, then there's an obstacle and then, what do you think, it ends with the standard big kiss at the end.

While I enjoy most romantic comedies (I admit that I liked both Just Like Heaven and Just My Luck, which are probably two of the worst I have seen in recent memory), I felt like I was losing precious brain cells by the second while watching this piece of crap. I'm not kidding. I know that people exaggerate using the "I lost brain cells" thing, but I swear I really did. I didn't grasp the concept of the credits, that's how dumb this movie made me. The best part about it was the audience, a majority of girls between the ages of about 18 to 35, who sighed and "awwwed" at the appropriate moments en masse, and one girl even shouted "YES!" after Katherine Heigl punched some guy. Personally, I would have done the same if someone had punched Katherine Heigl. While she annoyed me a tad in Knocked Up as the somewhat uptight A-personality woman, she was really testing me in this little number. I think I spent half the movie rolling my eyes at her doormat-ish ways and constant whining.And yes, I think I am considerably dumber from seeing it. Do not suffer the same fate, especially if you need that precious brain matter to, I don't know, launch a full-scale attack on the AMPTP offices to end this damn writer's strike so we don't have to suffer through shit like 27 Dresses.

Speed Racer Trailer, and other news...

I wouldn't normally subject others to an unwanted drug trip, but I feel as if the damage done to my brain should be shared. The trailer for the newest Wachowski brothers' flick Speed Racer... yes, *that* Speed Racer:

I love Emile Hirsch (if you want to know how much, look at the Into the Wild review), I love Matthew Fox, I enjoy John Goodman and Susan Sarandon... but this? This movie just looks like the biggest piece of shit ever made. It truly does.

And if things couldn't be any worse for the movies these days, the fucktards behind the Sex and the City movie have decided to make it into a goddamn trilogy. Trilogy. Of Sex and the City. Three movies with Sarah Jessica Parker. The movie industry hates me. This fact is supported by the horrible news that Wes Anderson (he of The Royal Tenenbaums, A Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou and other movies about dysfunctional families accompanied by quirky soundtracks) is helming an adaptation of Roald Dahl's The Fantastic Mr. Fox. I... no... this... bad... mary... upset... no words... screaming.... forgive me while I use all caps for a moment, but REALLY COME ON NOW. WES ANDERSON YOU ARE ON MY SHIT LIST IF THIS MOVIE SUCKS. At least it's going to be an animated film. BUT, take a gander as to who's voicing the aforementioned "fantastic" Mr. Fox... George Clooney. GEORGE. FUCKING. CLOONEY.

Can't... process... childhood memories... ruined...