DVD Review: Highlander

Amanda's been talking about this movie pretty much since the day I became friends with her (I should have realised this was a sign of things to come), so we finally rented it the other night. I actually told her I would start this review with "What. The. Fuck." Sorry Amanda, I figured I'd just mock you instead.

Really though. What the fuck? That's all I could say for the first 20 minutes or so of this movie. Wrestling? Swordfighting in a parking garage against some 50 year-old acrobat? Decapitation and lightning? EIGHTIES HAIR? oh God the humanity! I was confused when Christopher Lambert all of a sudden had flashbacks to a Braveheart-style battle while he was watching team wrestling inside Madison Square Garden(s?), but I guess I'd zone out too if I had to watch that.

The audience gets his backstory in a series of flashbacks where he's got long ratty hair and wears a kilt, all the while affecting a terrible Scottish accent. He's Connor McLeod! Proud member of the McLeod clan, defender of freedom, lover of some blond-haired wench, fighter of guys in skull-decorated armour... oh, plus he's immortal. Anyhoo, he gets thrown out by his village because they think he's a witch and he sets up camp elsewhere, manages to find another blonde-haired wench in the process. Sean Connery shows up... hilarity ensues... mainly because Christopher Lambert is an American playing a Scotsman who doesn't sound like a Scotsman, and Sean Connery is a Scotsman playing an Egyptian with a Spanish name who sounds like a Scotsman. He teaches Connor all about being immortal, even going to the lengths of pushing him into the lake, even though he can't swim, but obviously he can't die, so no harm, no foul. Connery blabbers on about not dying and the quickening and the gathering, but then the dude with the skull armour shows up and decapitates him, cause apparently that's an immortal's only weakness. Strangely enough, decapitating a mortal only makes them stronger......

In modern times, Connor's changed his name to something Nash (not Pluto) so people don't know that he's like 400 years old, and he crosses paths with a woman who is investigating the death of the acrobat guy he decapitated in the beginning. She has fairly terrible eighties hair, belts her shirts and thinks that hiding a gun in a set of drawers in plain sight is terribly sneaky. Regardless, they have a fairly graphic sex scene, in front of a picture window looking out on the entire city no less, and then he has to go fight the skull-armour dude so that the gathering can happen.

Seriously, this movie is hilarious. It is one of the most unintentionally funny movies I have ever seen (Doom will always be number one though). From Lambert's hard-to-place accent, to Sean Connery playing a guy named Juan Sanchez Villa-Lobos Ramirez, to the over-usage of lightning effects and the phrase "There can be only one!", do I really need to explain the utter mockability of this movie?

Just a sidenote: This movie somehow managed to get a 71% fresh rating on Rotten Tomatoes. How in the hell did that happen?

DVD Review: Casino Royale

I'm not going to lie and say this was one of the worst movies I've ever seen... but I definately wasn't as entertained as I should have been, considering it's supposed to be one of the better Bond films of late. After the utter shit that was Die Another Day, I was really hesistant to go out and waste my money on this in the theatre... so I'm glad I waited until one of my friends rented it.

First of all, let me just get this out of the way: I have never, still don't and never will agree with the choice of Daniel Craig as James Bond. A) He's blonde, B) he's a beefcake and C) just... blech. Never in my mind will he stack up with Sean Connery, Pierce Brosnan, Timothy Dalton, Roger Moore and god help me, George Lazenby. I'm only expressing this so you understand how I felt going into this movie.

So it starts with... er... oh wait, I remember, in black and white, to which Maggie (who'd never seen a Bond film before) goes "is this whole goddamn movie in black and white? *sigh*", which was pretty funny. Anyway, so there's this dude, and he goes into his office, but of course Bond is sitting there being like "I'm a 00 agent now, so I'm going to shoot you in the head because I already killed your associate and it takes two kills to make me 007 and naner naner naner" etc etc. So I'm already bothered by the fact that Bond has mercilessly killed this guy in cold blood by drowning him in a bathroom sink because James Bond is supposed to be all quippy and dry wit when about to kill an enemy. But I digress...

Anyway, then there's some stuff in other places with guns and bad guys and chase scenes and people getting blown up, which is pretty typical of Bond movies... the good ones anyway. James Bond goes back to London, breaks into his boss' house, which she doesn't seem to perturbed about, and they decide he should go join a high-stakes poker game (or some other card game, who the fuck cares really) so that he can catch the bad guy. He meets a lady on the train, thinks she's pretty, makes some joke about her ass, or his ass, or something, I quickly make the call that she's either evil, or dead meat. Card game goes on, James Bond gets a drink (NOT a martini shaken not stirred). Blah blah blah... with most Bond films you can sum the plots up in about 5 seconds, and this one is no different. So I was a little thrown when along comes this 20 minute long sequence (could have been longer, or shorter, either way it felt like waaaaay too long) of Bond and the evil/dead girl being schmultzy. Gross.

I'm going to stop with the summary here, partly because I really don't remember a lot of the details and partly because I don't want to ruin the entire thing for those who haven't seen it yet. For those of you who *have* seen it, spare me the whole "but it's to explain WHY Bond is the way he is in the other movies" argument. I do. not. care. For that argument to hold up, this movie would have to take place in the past, not the present... frankly, I think the space-time continuim just got a little fucked up because of it. Isn't the world supposed to explode when that happens? I mean, how hard is it to base a movie about spies in the 1940s? You could have Bond fighting the Nazis! And he could earn his 00 status while retrieving ancient relics while his crotchety Scottish dad goes around and - oh wait.

The Prestige

The Prestige

Wow.

I have to say, I never really liked magicians growing up. Mainly because they always did the same crap (the coloured hankerchiefs, wand, etc etc). It just didn't seem impressive.

This movie impressed me. I don't know how it compares to The Illusionist, and frankly, I don't really care. I don't need to see Jessica Biel and Ed Norton affecting a British accent for two and a half hours (and aren't they supposed to be in Russia or something?... odd). It doesn't really seem like the two movies are about the same thing anyway. The Illusionist looks like it's more about the personal lives of the characters, whereas The Presige.... well, you're basically guessing what the two main characters are up to the entire time.

I already figured I would like this movie, since Christian Bale, Michael Caine and David Bowie are in it... with the added plus of a little Andy Serkis. I was worried Scarlett Johannsson was going to be weak, but she actually impressed me. Say what you will about her, but she *can* act. And pretend she's British pretty convincingly. Everyone already know how great both Christian Bale and Michael Caine are, so it was really Hugh Jackman that had to convince me that buying this movie before seeing it wasn't a waste of my money. And he was pretty good... no scratch that, he was really good.

The plot though, is fantastic! I mean, it really is a thing of genius. I saw in the credits that it's based off a novel, which makes me interested in reading it. For some reason, I can't see it as a book, which says a lot for the screenplay writers.

If you haven't seen it yet, I guarantee that you won't be disappointed if you rent it. It's jaw-droppingly good.

The Mouse That Roared

The Mouse That Roared

Watch this movie. Honestly, it's one of Peter Sellers' best, in my opinion. He plays three different characters, one of which is a woman. The plot is incredibly funny, as a small non-existent European country (The Duchy of Fenwick) is going bankrupt and decides to invade the United States, then surrender in order to get war reparations. Everything goes according to plan, until the army (consisting of 20 men dressed in ancient chainmail with bows and arrows) arrives in New York and finds no one to surrender to. It's a great movie and Sellers is amazing as: The Duchess of Fenwick, The Prime Minister AND the General of the army. One of the things that got me was the sign at the guard post on the border of Fenwick: "If guard is not on duty, go right in". I was laughing through the entire film. Though, I think Sellers' movies are a slightly more subtle humour than most comedies today. Anyone who's seen "The Party" will agree with me (and if you haven't seen it, rent that too... have a Peter Sellers night).