Trailers...

I'm kinda bored, so I've been watching movie trailers on the apple website.
Is it just me or have movie companies decided to complete fuck up beloved children's stories? Case in point: Flicka, Charlotte's Web, but the ones that piss me off the most are Transformers and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
Firstly, the Transformers movie is directed by Michael Bay. What else has Michael Bay directed that has been any good?..... think now....(and if you say Bad Boys and/or Armageddon, I can no longer respect you)... that's right, Michael Bay has directed nothing good. Ever. And the movie's premise is something retarded (or as much as I can tell from the trailer) like the "robots in disguise" (awesome theme song) smash a Mars rover and then travel to earth to... what? destroy it? I'm confused. Plus Josh Duhamel is in it, which is pointless. Unless he dies. Although I have to give the producers props for getting the original voice of Optimus Prime.
Secondly, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie is animated. And it's the fourth Ninja Turtles movie. Enough is enough. Maggie brought up a good point for both movies: Does anyone from their target market remember these tv shows? The reason why I sound so fanatic about the fuck-up-age of this stuff is because I watched both shows, avidly. Hell, I even watched the animal version of Transformers... called... er.... Beast Wars (I swear, I love imdb), where the main character was a gorilla called Optimus Primal (do NOT ask me how I remember that). Anyway, Maggie's point is valid. People who remember the tv shows will go see the movie for the nostalgia aspect... and I suspect they'll be severely disappointed.
Some other cool-looking movies coming out within the next year are The U.S. vs John Lennon, which is a documentary about Lennon's struggle for peace while Nixon tried to win the war in Vietnam. It looks fucking awesome. The Departed looks kind of interesting, even though it has Jack Nicholson in it (and I'm getting rather sick of him). Children of Men looks kind of interesting in an end-of-the-world-so-we're-all-fucked kind of way, and it has Chiwetel Ejiofor in it (who, in my opinion, is freaking brilliant and completely awesome). But the movie that looks the most interesting, and the one that I want to see the most is The Last King Of Scotland. If you don't bother to watch any of the other trailers I'm putting here, watch this one at least. It looks amazing. Actually Borat looks hilarious in a completely offensive way.
And then there are the stinkers: Jon Heder is stuck forever as Napoleon Dynamite, Trying to be Sin City, only it's UNORIGINAL, Crash set in Africa, Old dude mentor + new cocky jackass = been done before, thank you, let's move on, Title's too long, you suck.
I also think it's kind of weird that there are two different movies about magicians coming out within a few months of each other: The Illusionist (in August, starring Ed Norton, Jessica Biel and Paul Giamatti) and The Prestige (in October, starring Christian Bale, Hugh Jackman, Michael Caine and Scarlett Johansson). Personally, I hate affected British accents. If the actor isn't British, they usually can't pull it off. So why on earth would they choose to have the all-American cast of The Illusionist affect British accents? It sounds awful in the trailer. But maybe I'm picky. Anyway, The Prestige looks better. I don't like Scarlett Johansson (because she's a brainless twit), but she can act... though apparently not British (sigh). Christian Bale is actually a Welshman, so his cockney accent is believable. Plus, him and Michael Caine together again so soon after the kickass Batman Begins? Sweet. And yes, that IS David Bowie in the trailer... heh.
Okay, clearly I'm a movie geek, but check some of these out.

The Lake House, The Omen

Final verdicts:

The Lake House: If you ignore the fact that the plot really doesn't make sense (ie the being able to contact each other even though they live two years apart) and the fact that they never explain how said contact is possible, it's actually an okay movie, if you enjoy romances. And I do. I also enjoy Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock. Granted, neither of them will be awarded an Oscar anytime soon, but this movie was entertaining. Plus the ending was so very heart-warming and squishy.

The Omen: Sucked. With a capital S. Laughable and campy. I really REALLY wanted Liev Schreiber to kill the kid in the end. *I* wanted to kill the kid by the end. He was not scary. Every time he glared at Julia Stiles (or "mummy"), the entire audience LAUGHED. Ugh. Just plain stupid. The only parts where I jumped were when they basically threw shit at you (weird thing in mirror when Julia Stiles closes cabinet... crazy nanny jumping on Liev Schreiber's back, etc). Maybe I'm just not one of those people who get scared at "freaky weird kids who scare people shitless with their weirdness" movies, since I thought Rosemary's Baby was a huge waste of time (they never even show what the kid looks like!) and I thought The Grudge was garbage. I felt bad for David Thewlis' character though. Poor guy. Anyway, waste of money, Don't go see.

The DaVinci Code

The DaVinci Code

I've seen a bunch of movies lately that I just haven't been in the mood to review (X-Men 3, The Proposition, The Break-Up), but since I saw The Da Vinci Code again yesterday, I might as well post something about it.

Alright, so I've read about a bajillion reviews for The Da Vinci Code, none of them being particularly kind. Some critics lauded it as the "thinking man's action movie" before it was actually screened for the media. Frankly, the hype killed this movie. Everyone was wetting themselves in anticipation for it, and when it finally hit theatres, the press just went "meh". Well you know what, movie critics? You can suck it. I liked it. Everyone I know who went to see it didn't think it was the piece of crap that you thought it was. So just suck it. I didn't like you before, and now I know that you're all just a bunch of prissy know-it-alls who think they have their fingers on the pulse of today's movie-going population. Clearly you don't, considering every reviewer of The Break-Up said it was a piece of shit, but it's still raking in the dough at the box office.

Uh, anyhoo...Firstly, the translation of the book into movie wasn't really all that successful, so I'm going to blame that on Ron Howard, simply because he deserves a kick in the groin every so often just for being him. And also because he has millions of dollars. But I digress... They skipped some integral scenes from the book that I thought deserved to be in the film, such as the fact that there was another cryptex inside the first one... although I doubt they would have had time to add those extra clues, especially with all the damn flashbacks they decided to put it. The entire movie was flashbacks that weren't necessarily needed. And frankly, the filmmakers should have either elaborated on Silas' background (which explained nothing in the flashback to those who hadn't read the book) or they should have left that scene for the editing room floor. Other than that, the movie lacked the fun and mystery of Dan Brown's book, which is odd, considering it practically read as a script. All it needed was the sound effects in italics, which you can usually find in Matt Reilly's books (which, incidentally, would be awesome movies). But, given all that, it was still an entertaining movie. And not in the way that Mission: Impossible 3 was (ie "this is entertaining because I'm laughing at how STUPID Tom Cruise is and how this movie has no plot *bizarre insane laughter*"). It may not be "the thinking man's action movie" but it's intelligent, and it's got action. I've heard people complain that they thought it was too slow-moving, but to be fair, the movie wouldn't make any sense if it wasn't for the scene where Langdon and Sophie are in Teabing's study (which I'm sure is what people are complaining about).

Anyway, on to the actors. As soon as I heard that Tom Hanks was cast as Robert Langdon, I cringed. Why? I asked myself, Why would they choose someone who clearly doesn't fit the "Harrison Ford in Harrison Tweed" image that Dan Brown uses within the first 30 pages of the novel. I'm not a huge fan of Tom Hanks. Mainly because I feel like he doesn't play anyone other than himself in any movie he's in. He never plays a bad guy... at least in any film I've seen. And those who know me well know that I love actors who can play a wide range of roles (take David Wenham in The Proposition and compare it to his role in Dust or The Bank; Colin Firth in Shakespeare in Love or Circle of Friends compared to his roles in Pride & Prejudice or Love Actually). Tom Hanks always plays Tom Hanks... he may pretend to be a bad guy, but by the middle of the movie, it's always revealed that he has a heart behind that annoying receding hairline face of his (read: You've Got Mail). I hated Forrest Gump. So consider my SHOCK when I didn't mind him as the film's main character. He wasn't that bad. Hell, even his "serial killer hairstyle" didn't bother me.

The film really belonged to the secondary characters though. Ian McKellen steals the show in every movie he's been in lately. Jean Reno was excellent. But the real stand-out was Paul Bettany as Silas. Not only was he dressed the part, he was creepy as hell. Even his fake Italian accent won me over. Critics were so-so about Audrey Tautou as Sophie, but I really can't see anyone else doing as good a job as she did.The music was great, though I won't be rushing out to buy the soundtrack anytime soon. I just mean that it added to the movie, which is what a great soundtrack does (not just annoying the HELL out of audiences because it's 8 notes over and over in stupid breaks in the plot... UGH fucking Brokeshit Mountain). The locations they shot at were, obviously, amazing... actually, the best part about seeing this movie the first time was the fact that I had been to Westminister Abbey that day, although we couldn't go right up to Sir Isaac Newton's tomb, like they do in the movie.

As for how pissed off people are getting at the book, leave it alone. I mean, honestly, it's FICTION. That's why it's in the FICTION section in bookstores. No one got pissed when he wrote Angels & Demons. Or when Christopher Moore wrote Lamb, which takes the Christ story and puts sex, demons and kung-fu into it, along with the stupidest angel God could find.The bottom line is that the movie is good. It's entertaining, it's actually worth the 10 bucks, in my opinion, and you won't be sorry if you skip The Break-Up to go see The Da Vinci Code instead, because at least Tom Hanks and Audrey Tautou don't scream at each other for 2 straight hours.

Mission: Impossible III

Mission: Impossible III

I'm going to bypass how annoyed I am that I'm going to miss all the season finales of shows that I watch and go straight into mocking Mission: Impossible III.

Forgetting the tiny problem of Tom Cruise being completely bonkers, this movie wasn't too bad. I actually found it hilarious to watch. It was entertaining, though I doubt in the way that J.J. Abrams planned it to be. Maybe it was the fact that I went with two people who found it just as stupid, or maybe it was the scene where Tom looks directly into the camera and says "Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall" (I kid you not), but I was somewhat enjoying myself through the entire film.That is, until I went home, sat down for a while, and realised there was no plot. That's right, NO. PLOT. Sure, there's some cars blowing up, and disguises etc, but the kidnapping of the wife, plus the whole "Rabbit's Foot" theft leads to nothing. I think Billy Crudup's character tries to explain why the bad guys are doing everything at one point, but it's a terrible explanation, and it's probably only one line of complete bullshit. Granted, I thought some bits were funny (including the scenes that were meant to be humourous), such as Johnathan Rhys-Meyers and Tom Crazy pretending to be Italian while in Vatican City... or some of the lines exchanged between Ving Rhames and Tom Crazy, even though they were very cliched.

So many parts of MI:III disturbed me though. One being the fact that the lead, Michelle Monaghan, looks very similar to Katie Holmes (Tom's indentured slave- I mean girlfriend). Another being the disgusting way Keri Russell's character dies. This movie was way too much of an ego trip for Tom Cruise, and it's not like anyone's going to believe that you're acting, buddy, you really are that crazy.

The *only* redeemable character in this movie was Benji, played by Simon Pegg, mainly because he didn't have a big enough part, which meant fewer bad puns/lines. And frankly, any character that Simon Pegg plays is awesome.

Well, I felt like my money was spent well due to the fact that a) I laughed my ass off, and b) I got to see Tom Cruise die for a little bit. But that's just me.

American Dreamz

American Dreamz

I went to see American Dreamz last night with Jacqui after a yummy dinner at Spring Rolls.
I really don't know how to explain this movie... sure it's a comedy, I guess, but it's also kind of dark, and slightly doc-ish, due to the fact that Dennis Quaid basically plays a more likeable, smarter Bush. There are few redeemable features to "American Dreamz" but I'd say these are the best parts:- Dennis Quaid's performance, especially a scene near the end of the film where he gets feedback in the earpiece he's wearing- the Omer character and his family, as well as the sleeper cell guys ("They don't call me the Torturer because I don't like torturing people, you know?")- the surprisingly refreshing ending- Seth Meyers!!The rest of it was like watching a particularly annoying episode of American Idol, which is painful in itself. Mandy Moore was nauseating in it. The title song drove me crazy due to the fact that the line "dreamz with a zee" is repeated about six MILLION times (and us Canadians know it's zed). Chris Klein was boring, as usual, and Hugh Grant made me want to punch him in the face.This is definately not worth the 10 bucks to see in the theatre. If you desperately want to see it, WAIT. Wait until it's out on video. Or download it.

Oscars Predictions

Some of these are just what I want to win, but most are what I think are going to win.

Best Picture
Brokeback Mountain
Capote
Crash
Good Night, and Good Luck
Munich

As much as I dislike this movie, I'm not stupid enough to think that the Academy isn't going to award it Best Picture. I seriously doubt any of the other films in the category have a good chance of winning.

Best Actor
Philip Seymour Hoffman, Capote
Terrence Howard, Hustle & Flow
Heath Ledger, Brokeback Mountain
Joaquin Phoenix, Walk the Line
David Strathairn, Good Night and Good Luck

Why didn't I pick Heath Ledger? Simple, I don't think he was that good. Philip Seymour Hoffman apparently did an amazingly creepy job of capturing Capote, so there isn't any reason to doubt why he wouldn't get it. Unless the Academy really wants to go for broke and give Brokeback Mountain all of the major awards.

Best Actress
Judi Dench, Mrs. Henderson Presents
Felicity Huffman, Transamerica
Keira Knightley, Pride and Prejudice
Charlize Theron, North Country
Reese Witherspoon, Walk the Line

Simple choice here. Judi Dench and Charlize Theron have already won an Oscar. Felicity Huffman is a TV actress on a ridiculously stupid show, and Keira Knightley just wasn't impressive enough. Plus, Reese Witherspoon has won every award already for her role as June Carter, so they may as well just give her this one too.

Best Supporting Actor
George Clooney, Syriana
Matt Dillon, Crash
Paul Giamatti, Cinderella Man
Jake Gyllenhaal, Brokeback Mountain
William Hurt, A History of Violence

Unlike Heath Ledger, I actually enjoyed Jake Gyllenhaal's performance in Brokeback Mountain. He at least was convincing. Though I don't understand why he's not up for Best Actor, he had just as big a part as Heath Ledger. Although he'll probably win, George Clooney could win as well, so it's a toss-up.

Best Supporting Actress
Amy Adams, Junebug
Catherine Keener, Capote
Frances McDormand, North Country
Rachel Weisz, The Constant Gardener
Michelle Williams, Brokeback Mountain

This is just so ridiculously absurd that I had to pick her. JEN from Dawson's Creek is up for an Oscar! Next thing you know, we'll all be playing ice hockey with Satan. I think Michelle Williams will win, because she did a great job, but I hope hope hope that Rachel Weisz wins instead.

Best Director
Ang Lee, Brokeback Mountain
Bennett Miller, Capote
Paul Haggis, Crash
George Clooney, Good Night and Good Luck
Steven Spielberg, Munich

They will not give Ang Lee another Oscar. I refuse to believe that he could win two Oscars for two extremely un-entertaining movies. I fell asleep during Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, and was very close to doing the same during Brokeback Mountain. Plus, the Academy enjoys giving awards to actors-turned-directors. Case in Point: Mel Gibson.

Best Foreign Film
Don't Tell, Italy
Joyeux Noel, France
Paradise Now, Palestine
Sophie Scholl - The Final Days, Germany
Tsotsi, South Africa

I guessed this one. The trailer is actually up at apple.com, so I figured, if it's that important to have a trailer on the Apple website, maybe it'll win. Plus, the title is cool.

Adapted Screenplay
Larry McMurtry and Diana Ossana, Brokeback Mountain
Dan Futterman, Capote
Jeffrey Caine, The Constant Gardener
Josh Olson, A History of Violence
Tony Kushner and Eric Roth, Munich

Again, a no brainer. God, it's no surprise this movie was full of scenes with absolutely no dialogue; the actual story is like 20 pages. And unlike The Snow Walker, the script writers didn't do a very good job with adapting the screenplay. Never the less, it'll still win, because it'll win Best Picture.

Original Screenplay
Paul Haggis and Bobby Moresco, Crash
George Clooney and Grant Heslov, Good Night and Good Luck
Woody Allen, Match Point
Noah Baumbach, The Squid and the Whale
Stephen Gaghan, Syriana

Can we get a "boo yah" for Canadian Paul Haggis?? I hope he'll win. Crash is a supposedly good movie. Everyone keeps telling me I should watch it, but I'm really not into those confusing there's-more-than-one-storyline movies. Call me simple, but I like movies that have one storyline. BUT, it's possible that George Clooney could get it. Booerns.

Animated Feature Film
Howl's Moving Castle
Tim Burton's Corpse Bride
Wallace & Gromit in the Curse of the Were-Rabbit

As much as I love the fact that Howl's Moving Castle was the old cell-animated style of animation, it was a really weird fucking movie. I never saw the Corpse Bride, but apparently it wasn't all that impressive. Wallace & Gromit is hilarious, and it's a great movie for everyone, so hopefully it will win.

Art Direction
Good Night and Good Luck
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
King Kong
Memoirs of a Geisha
Pride and Prejudice

I haven't seen either Memoirs of a Geisha or Good Night and Good Luck, so I'm really only choosing between Harry Potter, King Kong and Pride and Prejudice. I'd like Pride and Prejudice to win, but I have a horrible feeling that Memoirs of a Geisha will win.

Cinematography
Batman Begins
Brokeback Mountain
Good Night and Good Luck
Memoirs of a Geisha
The New World

I really disliked Brokeback Mountain, for everything, but they did a really good job with cinematography. I think the only thing that kept me awake was the cinematography. The sweeping shots of the wilderness as well as certain scenes in Utah, or wherever the hell the movie was set.

Sound Mixing
The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe
King Kong
Memoirs of a Geisha
Walk the Line
War of the Worlds

Possible awarded to Walk the Line because the Academy felt bad that they left it off the Best Picture roster.

Sound Editing
King Kong
Memoirs of a Geisha
War of the Worlds

Random choice. And the only one of the three that I've seen.

Original Score
Brokeback Mountain, Gustavo Santaolalla
The Constant Gardener, Alberto Iglesias
Memoirs of a Geisha, John Williams
Munich, John Williams
Pride and Prejudice, Dario Marianelli

I'm sorry, but if Brokeback Mountain wins for original score, I am going to punch someone in the face. Forgive me if I'm wrong, but I think there was a total of 8 notes on the entire soundtrack that were played repetitively. Pride and Prejudice should win for this. Not only is it beautiful, but it makes the film, which, in my opinion, is the whole point of this award. And is it just me, or is it unfair that John Williams is nominated twice in the same category?

Costume
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
Memoirs of a Geisha
Mrs. Henderson Presents
Pride and Prejudice
Walk the Line

I actually would like to see something like Pride and Prejudice or Mrs. Henderson Presents win for this, but neither of them will. The costumes weren't incredibly impressive in Pride and Prejudice. Walk the Line will most likely win, though there may be competition from Memoirs of a Geisha.

Documentary Feature
Darwin's Nightmare
Enron: The Smartest Guys in the Room
March of the Penguins
Murderball
Street Fight

You're kidding yourself if you think anything other than March of the Penguins is going to win. I would have loved to have seen Grizzly Man on here, since it's both controversial and amazingly-shot and put together.

Film Editing
Cinderella Man
The Constant Gardener
Crash
Munich
Walk the Line

Again, I'm just guessing here.

Makeup
The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe
Cinderella Man
Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith

The makeup crew from Chronicles of Narnia should definately win the award in this category, since they were able to create so many incredible-looking characters. And unlike Star Wars, they didn't look like humans in a shitload of makeup, they actually looked like real creatures.

Original Song
"In the Deep" from Crash
"It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp" from Hustle & Flow
"Travelin' Thru" from Transamerica

I mainly hope this will win so that the presenter has to say "pimp" again. Though it would be hilarious to see Dolly Parton up on the Oscar stage too. This year they're ripping the audience off though. There should be FIVE songs, not THREE. There has to be two more songs that could have been added... hell, take a song from Walk the Line or something... or "Wunderkind" from Chronicles of Narnia.

Visual Effects
The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe
King Kong
War of the Worlds

I really hope Chronicles of Narnia wins for this. It would be ridiculous if it didn't. I've actually seen all of the movies in this category, and the other two weren't particularly convincing with their visual effects. Sure, Kong was great in King Kong, but Aslan kicks Kong's ass in comparison.

Brokeback Mountain

Brokeback Mountain

Ah, Brokeback Mountain. Why are you getting so much praise? Is it because you really are a great movie with an equally great story? No. Is it because the great acting overcomes the overall shittiness of the script? No. Is it because you're about a couple of gay cowboys during the 1960s, a story which hasn't been done yet? Most likely.

I don't want to overexaggerate, but this is one of the worst movies I have ever seen. None of the actors in this hackneyed piece of crap should have signed on to be in it. I have lost respect for both Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal for acting in this. My opinion of Michelle Williams, however, has improved, seeing as she was the only one who actually displayed any emotion or talent during the almost 3 hour marathon crapfest. Although, I do think Anne Hathaway did a good job with a role that was unlike anything she's done before. Kudos.

Firstly, Heath, man, when you're in a movie, there's something called pronounciation. You know how you do this? You open your GODDAMN MOUTH! I don't know about anyone else, but I couldn't understand a single word Heath Ledger was saying. Gone are the days of 10 Things I Hate About You, when you were a gorgey long-haired Australian who projected your lines. Instead, you've elected to adopt an accent completely unlike your own, and close your mouth, clench your jaw and make the audience guess at your lines. At least Jake Gyllenhaal was understandable! He should be getting the Best Actor nod, not you.

Secondly, this movie is supposed to be about "two cowboys who fall in love"... I saw nothing but their selfish need for sex. There was absolutely NO chemistry between the two characters (I won't go into the lack of chemistry between the two actors because, well, neither of them are gay, so of course there wouldn't be a lot of chemistry, but I digress...) and the only emotion displayed was when a) Jake Gyllenhaal got pissed because he discovered he wouldn't be getting any gay lovin' for a few months and b) Heath Ledger starts crying when he finds his disgusting slightly bloodied shirt in Jake Gyllenhaal's closet. The emotional outburst at the end was, in my opinion, completely out of the blue.

Don't bother with this. Unless you enjoy a slow-moving, long, slightly boring movie that features completely dislikeable characters, don't bother. It's not worth the money or the time, and I personally don't understand why it's garnering such great opinions.

The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe

The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe

There is nothing to criticize when it comes to this movie. I know that's hard to accept, considering I love to butcher helpless films into submission, but it's the truth. I loved every minute and every aspect of this film. Other than the Lord of the Rings films, this is the best book-to-film adaptation I've ever seen.

The actors: With a movie like this, there is always the chance that one of the actors will overact and ruin the entire film, or every scene he or she is in. Every single actor or actress in this movie did an excellent job. All of the main characters are played by actors under the age of 20, the youngest being 11. Georgie Hensley, who plays Lucy, is both adorable and talented, and she does a brilliant job with what is basically the main role. It's hard to imagine that this is her first role, since she does such an amazing job. Skandar Keynes, who plays Edmund, is only 14, but he also does an excellent job, especially as the selfish sibling who rats out his brother and sisters to the White Witch for some turkish delight. Both of the older Penvensies, Susan and Peter, played by Anna Popplewell and William Moseley respectively, are excellent as well. Yeah yeah, I'm repeating myself, but they really are great for such young actors. No doubt, these kids will all be in tons of movies in the next few years.

Even the CGI characters were awesome. Apparently the crew spent half of the film's budget to create the lion Aslan. Good investment. Aslan looks more realistic than any other CGI character I've seen in any movie. And voiced by Liam Neeson, overall he's a very stunning visual effect (again, kudos to the kids for acting so well in the scenes with Aslan, considering there's really nothing there). All of the CGI characters were well-constructed, and the voices for each (including Rupert Everett and Michael Madsen) were chosen well. Major props go to the Weta Workshop people, who created all of the costumes and sets that weren't digitally created.
If you haven't seen it yet, you're missing out. This is one of the best movies I have ever seen, and I rarely give that distinction.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

Being the longest book in the series, it was pretty clear that the script writers weren't going to include every single scene from the novel, unless they wanted the film to be 7 hours long. In my opinion, books rarely translate well to the big screen, with the exception of the Lord of the Rings series, mainly because they got rid of all the stupid singing, and the part with Tom Bombadil. But I digress...
Maybe I was predisposed to be disappointed since I didn't like the fourth book, but the Goblet of Fire movie just wasn't as visually stunning as the third movie. Mike Newell did an okay job, but he lacked the creativity that Alfonso Cuaron brought to the Prisoner of Azkaban. Granted, the effects were still great, but the scene with the dragon really didn't have to last that long. They could've shortened that scene and inserted the scene where Barty Crouch Junior explains how he escaped from Azkaban, because the characters are always asserting how impossible it is to escape, and the lack of explanation makes the viewer assume that escapes are commonplace.
The acting was a lot better, however. These kids are improving brilliantly, and are getting to be quite talented. But the film overall was a disappointment. Sure, there were the humourous bits, and the quintessential action scenes, but there was nothing overly unique about it. The fourth book was distinctly darker than the third, but the third movie ended up being darker in nature than the fourth one. Let's all hope the fifth movie doesn't disappoint.

Alexander

Alexander

To sum it up... if you want to feel like you've lost 6 hours of your life, go see this movie. It's not that it's a terrible movie, it's just extremely long. At one point, the narrator (Anthony Hopkins) says "Alexander should have died in India.... but that was a myth" and I let out a HUGE "siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh" and Rachel and I laughed... we laughed maniacally for our brains had been turned into goo because the movie was so long. It's the sign of a bad film when you constantly check your watch to try and figure out how much longer it could possibly go on for. By the end, Rachel said "Okay Anthony Hopkins, just SHUT UP SO WE CAN GO HOME" hahahahahaa.
All in all it wasn't bad plot-wise. Though I guess you can't really screw the plot up since it's basically a Hollywood-ized biography of Alexander. The little things got to me though... like: graphically showing men stabbing horses and elephants, thank you, but I really don't want to see animals being shot... Hephaestion at the battle in India - got sliced in the femoral artery with an axe and DIDN'T DIE. Sure, ok, whatever, except he would have bled to death you idiots. What REALLY pissed me off about it was that it slightly glorified genocide and assimilation. When Alexander tells the Persians that their sons will be Greek-educated and be part of the Greek army, they're all like "Wheeeeeee! I'm SO excited for that! Praise Alexander!". Sorry, I don't believe that

Pride and Prejudice

Pride and Prejudice

So I really seriously believed I would detest this movie, simply because I adore the 1995 miniseries, Colin Firth and I thought they had miscast pretty much everyone in this version. However, I left thinking it wasn't too bad and, upon further reflection, I realised it's pretty damn good (though obviously can't hold a candle to the BBC version).

The pros:

• Donald Sutherland as Mr. Bennet: I don't know how this man does it. He's 70 years old and he still kicks ass. He made Mr. Bennet a lot wittier rather than simply long-suffering.



• Brenda Blethyn as Mrs. Bennet: Brilliant. Absolutely fucking brilliant.



• The cinematography: They chose absolutely beautiful locations to film. Although I wasn't a fan of how slummed-down they made Longbourn, they kept Pemberley very much how I pictured it.



• Matthew MacFadyen: Yes, yes, he's no Colin Firth, that's for sure, but he still did a good job. I didn't think he was too handsome at first, but he really does grow on you, especially since he doesn't give up on Elizabeth even after she pretty much bitches him out for things he didn't do. There were certain moments between him and Elizabeth that I just loved too, such as when he gives her a hand up to her carriage after she stays at Netherfield with Jane, and when he walks away, he flexes his hand a bit. I don't know why I love that scene so much, I just do. It's very simple, but it conveys a lot. The scene where he goes to the Collins' house to see Elizabeth (and in my opinion, to propose) is great too, because it still retained the character's anxiety that Colin Firth did so well in the BBC version. I have to say, by the end, I thought Matthew MacFadyen was pretty hot, but that's probably due to the fact that I LOVE the character of Mr. Darcy, so it wouldn't matter who the hell played him as long as they did it relatively well. He also did an excellent job with the heated stares that Colin Firth did in the miniseries. No woman can resist a heated stare from Mr. Darcy (don't believe me? watch the miniseries/this movie)



• The Chemistry: Even though Ms. Keira disappointed me (see cons), I have to say that the two leads had some amazing chemistry. Even in the beginning, when she's supposed to hate him, you can still sense the underlying attraction between them.



• The fact that it's 2 hours long instead of 6: This is important. I have actually sat down and watched all 6 hours of the BBC miniseries in one day. It's definately still the best adaptation, but, with this film, you don't have to commit to all 6 hours in order to get the gist of the story. They had all of the important moments and it was still enjoyable. Granted, the passage of time wasn't as apparent as it is in the miniseries, but they do a pretty good job of trying to convey it in certain scenes.



• Not enough Wickham: Don't get me wrong, I hate his character, but there were too few scenes with him. You can't judge his character within the two main scenes that he's in. You don't even get the feeling that he "hates" Mr. Darcy as he's supposed to (though you definately feel the hatred from Mr. Darcy). Plus, he looked like Orlando Bloom's ugly cousin... and that's not a compliment.



• Improvement with Jane Bennet: No offense to Susannah Harker, but you are not, as Mrs. Bennet says, the beauty of the family. In the words of Alanna, she looks like a dinosaur. Jane is supposed to be the most beautiful of all the Bennet's daughters, but Elizabeth was definately the prettiest in the miniseries. I think they improved on that with this film. Rosamund Pike is noticeably prettier than Susannah Harker and, in my opinion, prettier than Keira Knightley, though that may be because I'm just sick of Keira Knightley's face plastered everywhere.
  

The cons:

• WHAT DID YOU DO TO MR. BINGLEY????????: *ahem* Seriously. What. Did. You. Do. Mr. Bingley is not a tongue-tied mentally deficient moron with exploded hair and bulging eyes. I can understand the stammering. He's so in love with Jane that he can't control his speech, etc etc. But really... give him so pomade for god's sake! He honestly comes across as someone who can't think for himself, and only FINALLY proposes to Jane because Darcy told him to.



• Keira Knightley: I'm sorry my dear, but frankly, you sucked. Okay, sucked is maybe too harsh a term, but you certainly didn't win me over. I don't know what it was... maybe it's just because I've gotten so used to seeing Jennifer Ehle as Elizabeth Bennet that I just can't possibly accept anyone else playing her. But I don't think that's it. I think it's because you sucked.



• The fact that she was in every scene: See above. If I thought she sucked, the fact that she's in almost every scene didn't do all that much to try and persuade me otherwise. They should have included the scene where Darcy goes and finds Wickham and Lydia and forces them to marry. Colin Firth did that bit SO well. Angry Mr. Darcy was so awesome.



• Costumes: Not a very big negative. They were still good, but just not as good as they were in the '95 version.



• The fact that it's only 2 hours: Yeah yeah, this was in the pros, so sue me. There are so many small scenes in the 1995 version that I've gotten attached to that weren't in this movie, and that really disappointed me. Such as the scene where Mr. Darcy gets all fussy about his clothing before he goes to meet with Elizabeth because he's planning to propose again (at least that's what I believe), or even the scene just after he proposes for the first time and both characters reflect on what they said to each other.



• Lydia Bennet: Lydia is supposed to be British... not fake American-British. Why they decided to use Jena Malone as Lydia Bennet is beyond me. They did a great job at getting newcomers for Mary and Kitty (Talulah Riley and Carey Mulligan), so why the hell did they use her??



• Charlotte Lucas: Speaking of miscasting. God. Charlotte may not be the pick of the batch, but my GOD.



• SAY SOMETHING OTHER THAN "well then": I don't know why this part bugs me as much as it does. One of the last scenes has Mr. Darcy basically re-professing his love for Elizabeth (absolutely beautifully shot). Anyone who's seen the miniseries or has read the book knows which scene I mean. Poor Mr. Darcy pours his heart out in a very romantic fashion, telling her that she's "bewitched him body and soul" and that he loves her... and all she can say is "well then". WELL THEN. Forgive me, but if I had someone as hot as Matthew MacFadyen tell he wanted to be with me forever: I think I'd say more than "well then".

One thing I'm not sure about is how I feel about how they portrayed Mr. Collins. He was a bit more likeable in this version, but he's more of a boob in the BBC version, which is more fun. He's also more smarmy in the '95 version.
So overall, I think it's worth going to see. I'll probably end up going to see it again, and will most likely buy it when it comes out on DVD. And if you don't go see it, Mr. Darcy will frown at you:

Serenity

Serenity

I was finally able to finagle a couple of people to go see this with me over Thanksgiving. I went to see it without having seen any episodes of "Firefly", but I still really enjoyed it. Apparently Orson Scott Card, the author of the Ender's Game book series, said that this was the best science fiction movie ever made. I'm not sure I'd go that far, since I'm a huge fan of the Star Wars films, but Serenity comes pretty damn close. It's got everything: action, comedy, drama, romance, AND cannibals! Now who would pass that up? It's apparently coming out on DVD and video (does anything come out on VHS anymore?) sometime in December, and I would recommend people to see it... but watch "Firefly" first. You get the background of the characters and it makes the movie that much more understandable.
Iis a GREAT movie. It made me like Jayne, Simon and River all that much more. It's a great "season finale" to the series that, in my opinion, shouldn't have been cancelled in the first place.

Domino

Domino

Another great movie. Tony Scott did a great job in creating a film that is both visually stimulating and just generally entertaining. Although I'm sure I'll be bitching about her job in the upcoming P&P adaptation, Keira Knightley is excellent in this. It was refreshing to see her play a tough bitch for once. Mickey Rourke is great as her boss and Edgar Ramirez is also perfect as Choco, who's described as "psychotic" more than once. Again, this is one of those movies that touches every genre: it's very stylized, very funny, dramatic, action-packed and very sad. I would recommend seeing it on the big screen if you are planning to go see it, which you really should. I didn't think I was going to like it all that much when I saw the previews, simply because I'm not a huge fan of Keira Knightley... but I'm still recovering from just how good it was.

Haikus as Reviews

Alright, I've decided to finally write reviews for the movies I've seen recently. BUT to save you all the work and pain associated with reading long reviews filled with sarcasm and assumed rolling eyes and ranting, I'm going to attempt to write haikus for all of them:

Howl's Moving Castle:
Big walking castle
Flying man and stupid girl,
Crazy anime.

Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants:
Four teenage girl friends
Four different crisis scenes
One shitty crap fest.

Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith:
The last of six films
With Obi-Wan, Darth et. al.
Lucas still rocks on.

Mr & Mrs Smith:
Jolie and Pitt star
Humour, sex, guns and explosions
Funny, but too bloody.

Batman Begins:
Christian Bale is hot
Caped crusader fights baddies
Best Batman since Keaton.

Fantastic Four:
Crazy cloud morphs five
Four good, one evil, of course
Formula, but fun.

And there you go.

Mindhunters

Mindhunters

This movie was probably one of the worst I've ever seen, including The Base 2 and any movie starring Dolph Lundgreen. It stars two washed-up actors (Val Kilmer and Christian Slater), two actors who are still vaguely great at acting (LL Cool J and Jonny Lee Miller... I'm stretching in LL's case obviously), one actress who continues to piss the hell out of me (Kathryn Morris, the annoying woman in Cold Case, the rip-off of the Canadian show Cold Squad) and the actress who played Imhotep's mistress in The Mummy, I forget her name, but this was obviously a step down for her career-wise. Oh, and some other guys who really don't matter much, since they both get whacked.
I still can't believe this movie was released in theatres. It honestly seems like something that would go straight to video, then sit on the shelves until someone utterly bored out of their mind would pick it up. Not only that, but they take the title of John Douglas' first book, add an 's', then don't give him credit. They also refer to "UNSUB" and "VICAP" without explaining what each of them are, which leaves those who haven't read anything on criminal profiling or criminal justice in the dark as to what they are. There are some killer lines in it as well, such as "Iny, miny, mino, mo. Who's the next motherfucker to go?" and "Now we know his weakness: bullets"... granted all these gems are from LL Cool J, but there are numerous others. The ending is pretty predictable. So although it was slightly scary seeing as the "profilers" are stuck on an isolated island in a creepy rundown building and they're being killed in gross and disgusting ways one by one until it's just the killer and the one who was told wouldn't "make profiler", it's really not worth seeing. It's not even worth the time to download.

Kingdom of Heaven

Kingdom of Heaven

I don't want to spend a lot of time on this review mainly because there isn't a lot to say about this movie. It reeked of trying to regain some of the success that came from Gladiator. And let me tell you, Orlando Bloom ain't Russell Crowe. Sure he's beautiful, but he really shouldn't be allowed to try and make inspirational speeches. The end scene in which Saladdin's army lays a siege on Jerusalem (held by the Christians, and gee golly gosh, Orlando Bloom too) is a blatant rip-off of the climactic battle scene in Return of the King. I mean honestly! I am not joking. If you go see this movie (which I recommend you don't, but it's your money), you'll see what I mean. The only stellar bits in this movie are the scenes with Liam Neeson, though god knows those don't last long enough, David Thewlis, who is quickly becoming a favourite of mine, and Jeremy Irons, who kicks ass in any movie he's in, including the stinker Dungeons and Dragons. The female lead, Eva Green, is alright. She's not the greatest actress, but she's very pretty, so she compliments Orlando quite nicely. Did anyone else notice that three of the actors in that movie were also in Timeline?? No? just me? Not surprised. I was seriously disappointed by the movie. It was lacking in everything: plot, character development, character in general, action, drama, everything. The only reason why I would call the experience of seeing it enjoyable was the fact that it was so easily mocked. And mock it we did.

Sahara

Sahara

Summary: Matthew McConaughey swimming, Matthew McConaughey beating the crap out of some dudes, Penelope Cruz pouting, Steve Zahn cracking jokes and losing hats, Matthew McConaughey blowing up crap.......
I hate to be a downer AGAIN, so I will try and point out the good parts of the movie:
Steve Zahn - everything and anything he says. He is not only attractive, he is freaking hilarious too
The iron ship thingy they are searching for
The town they visit in the desert - it's all adobe style, pretty sweet
Ummm.... the bad guy in it, he was pretty cool
The banter between Steven Zahn and Matthew McConaughey (aka Al Giordino and Dirk Pitt)
William H. Macy playing Admiral Sandecker
Ok, I ran out of stuff... and now the bad points:
Matthew McConaughey playing Dirk Pitt
Matthew McConaughey cracking jokes as Dirk Pitt
Matthew McConaughey
Penelope Cruz
Matthew McConaughey using a plane as a windsurfer
The ridiculous idea that an iron ship could make it's way to a river in Africa
The severe lack of Al kicking butt
The severe lack of Delroy Lindo
The severe lack of William H. Macy
I gotta cut this review short since I'm getting more and more inebriated as the night progresses... It's not a BAD movie per say, it's just not what I pictured a Clive Cussler book-to-movie film to be like. I did NOT picture Matthew McConaughey as Dirk Pitt. I did not like the fact that he played Dirk Pitt as a pretty happy guy, considering Pitt is a pretty tortured individual who flits from girl to girl (like Bond) after the woman he loves dies in the first book. They're fun books to read... they did an alright job of transferring the action to the big screen, I just think it could have been a LOT better. And apparently Clive Cussler feels the same way considering he's sueing the filmmakers. HA TAKE THAT!

Sin City

Sin City

The trailers for this movie were amazing, and, contrary to what Katie says, I thought the movie lived up to them, even though they never used Cells in the actual movie.
Marv's storyline is the first of the three and it revolves around an ex-con named, obviously, Marv. Mickey Rourke does an awesome job of playing the odd-looking tough guy. The humourous lines he delivers are great too: "I know eating people is pretty weird". His story was probably my favourite, though I'm never going to look at Elijah Wood the same ever again. Creepy.
Clive Owen's story is the second one and I was really glad that Brittany Murphy didn't play a huge part in it. She really annoys me. Clive Owen plays Dwight, who's occupation isn't really stated, though it's clear it's a really legal profession. He hangs with some whores (Rosario Dawson, Devon Aoki, Alexis Bledel) and they accidentally kill a cop (Benecio del Toro). I think this is probably the most violent storyline, considering the way del Toro is treated. But there are also some funny bits in it, ie when one of Manute's henchmen is shot straight-through with what looks like a harpoon, but says "uh, guys? should I go to a doctor or something? hello?". Plus, it just rocks that Tommy Flanagan was in it as Brian, an Irish mercenary.
Bruce Willis' story was the last one, but I didn't enjoy it as much. Hartigan is a great character, but the love story between him and Jessica Alba (Nancy) was slightly disturbing, considering Hartigan is supposed to be around 60 and Nancy is all of 19 years old. SHUDDER. Nick Stahl was creepy and gross as Yellow Bastard, but I thought he did a great job, considering the amount of prosthetic and makeup he must have had to wear.
The music absolutely rocked in it, too. I think they put together a stellar cast, and had the storylines connect in a subtle, yet extremely creative way. Excellent movie. I think it's going to be one of those cult flicks. Hopefully it'll get people into the world of graphic novels.

Bride and Prejudice (+ Keira Knightley-induced rant)

Bride and Prejudice

Being the ultimate fan of Jane Austen's "Pride and Prejudice" and having a soft spot for Bollywood, I figured I'd go see it. Good idea on my part. Even though I could call every. single. plot. twist. it was still funny. I loved the fact that Martin Henderson kept throwing Aishwarya Rai numerous "tortured love" looks, patented by Colin Firth in the BBC version of P&P. I think that Chadha could have been a bit more original with the names though, considering she kept both Will Darcy and Wickham... though she did a great job with Kholi (instead of Collins). LOVED the fact that Naveen Andrews was in it. I mean, really, we love him already as Sayid, but having him as the Indian equivalent of Charles Bingley is just plain awesome. There are so many great things about this movie... I can't wait for it to come out (in North America) on video.


Speaking of P&P, I forgot that someone has DARED to make a movie based on the novel.... starring Keira Knightly as Lizzie. *long, long, long pause..... punctuated by scream of frustration*. Keira. Knightley. No. Just No. There is no effing way that Keira Knightley is going to do a good job on this. And the man stepping into the shoes that only one man can fill? Matthew MacFadyen (no relation to Andrew MacFadyen mind you). He has been in nothing. Seriously, I'm not joking. The only major work out of his resume that I even recognise is MI-5, that stupid secret agent show in Britain. AH! AH GOD!!!!! JENA MALONE AS LYDIA?? ARE THEY ABSOLUTELY CRACKERS?? *deep breath*. Oh man, I can just see it now "Pride Remake flops at Box Office: WTF were they thinking? say Ebert and Roeper". Aw crap. Who am I kidding? I'll go see it when it comes out... but I doubt I'll enjoy it. I'll have to go see it myself in order to stop myself from bitching about how shit it is to other people.

Closer

Closer

I don't know exactly what the director was thinking when he made this movie. Perhaps he was in the middle of a horrible divorce and figured, hey if I'm miserable, I might as well make everyone who watches this movie miserable too! Or maybe he's just this loveless little manic depressive freak who thinks that love doesn't exist.
Whatever the case may be, this was a horribly depressing movie. I guess he figured that if he put four beautiful people in it, then that would override the fact that you really just want to cry or kill yourself by the end. All of the characters were lying, cheating snakes without morals or values and the plot, honestly, felt like it went full-circle without getting to any sort of point other than if you fall in love, you will get kicked in the face for it because love doesn't exist. I mean, how can you watch a movie where you just don't care about any of the characters? I know I can't. And the really depressing thing about the movie was knowing I paid $8 to see it and not enjoy it!
I do have to say that I really enjoy Clive Owen. He is an incredible actor. Seeing him in this movie just made me like him even more, because I've seen him as a good guy, but he was sort of two-faced in this film. Natalie Portman did a great job too. She played the most likeable character in the movie, though that's not saying much.
Just... don't see this movie. Or at least don't repeat my mistake and pay to see it in the theatre. Either download it or wait till it comes out on video. And make sure you eat chocolate, or ice cream after you watch it... or watch Closer and then Monty Python or something... otherwise you might just... cry.